Deep Breath and Prayer

It's just damn nice outside today. Fall is here even though Indian summer is still lurking in the shadows. I had plans today - they involved being around people. I changed them. Ok, so I ducked out on them. Whatever. I wanted to be alone. My mind has been going 400 mph in a stew...yes a stew...of emotions. (I haven't ate for a while, feeling hungry. Just deal with the food references). Lisa and I have worked on slowing my thinking down. Taming the racing thoughts. But this is different. I want to ponder so many things: changes, feelings, choices, events, memories, thoughts, and so on. It's all there. Yes, stew. There they all are, all screaming "pick me! pick me!" It's a little overwhelming, so instead of picking one, I step away from all. Breathe in deep, hold, breathe out slow. Lather, rinse, repeat. No longer screaming, they all sit there and stare at me. Ali always did that. After a while you could feel her eyes on you. She never begged, she just stared. S...

I'm at a juncture in my life. Well, guess I have been at this spot for a bit - time seems to calculate differently when it comes to battles in the mind. I have done a lot of healing and continue to learn how to strengthen my inner self. Of course, all this teaching, learning, work, reporting, and evaluating is amazing...only if I am willing to do it. And I have been. I learned a long time ago that I have to make that final decision to do it...to fight....to fight the fight that is sometimes daily, if not momentary. And thus here I am. I have no intentions of going into great history or "this is how I got here" comments - well, at least not in this post. For this moment, it is writing the post.  Just writing. Again. I am a writer who put down their pen years ago. You see, to truly write, you must have an emotional tie. Through your emotions the words flow and take shape. Words blossom and grow and tie into the emotions you share through - joy, pain, happiness, sorry, ange...