Deep Breath and Prayer

A lot on my mind, yet not for writing just yet. Actually wish I had session again tomorrow to sit and talk about things with Chris. It is ok, I see her Thursday afternoon and I can work on sorting things out on my own until then. Meanwhile, today, before session this happened: Elder Erickson's birthday is Friday. He will be.....ok, wait, let me figure this out....20. Yah, I believe we figured he was born in April and I went on my mission in July. Wait, maybe it was the year before, so he would be 21. Ok, maybe we shouldn't discuss the age difference here. Since I can't take him a cake, I tried to find as many "birthday cake" flavored things that I could. I sent him a confetti cake mix, birthday Oreos, birthday Russell Stovers, birthday peeps, birthday cookie crunchie things, and of course a couple gifts. I forgot to put his blue zebra pens in there though. I will have to send those separate. Topped it off with a 6 page letter I wrote up last night. Yah, that shoul...

I feel trapped. I feel like I am surrounded by doors that all have locks on them and none will open.  There I am, alone and trapped.  It makes me feel anxious and stressed.  Not knowing what to do, I sit there and hope someone realizes I am missing and tries to find me.  If it be possible to "be here" and "not be here" at the same time, then that is what I am. So, I guess we play the function of emotion game.  What is the trapped feeling telling me? Not sure if anything falls under the communication column other than the regular "need help figuring this out" signal.  I have to remember that for me, my body language includes my drawings.  Example, Karen asked me today when she saw me in the office if I was ok. I straight-faced told her I was for the most part when I should have held up my picture I just finished and said, "I feel trapped." Which is next...validate.  Is feeling trapped trying to tell me something?  Yah, that I am still confused...

Hello, my name is Blewy and I am a pyromaniac.....and that is perfectly ok!!! (as long as I am safe!) They are talking about rain again this week so I figured this evening was perfect to try and burn off more of the brush pile. I am determined to reclaim my back yard from the brush! I lit up the small pile I had built up when I finished a few weeks ago.  The wind may have been nasty to drive in lately, yet it has been great for drying my wood piles.  So with lighter fluid in hand, I torched. I looked over at the remainder of the original, big pile and contemplated if I should light it too.  I was hesitant as it was still kind of big for my comfort level. I paused for a few then figured, what the heck, the fire department is just down the road. Again, my magic bottle of lighter fluid and a little flame. Can I just say that it only took about 30 seconds for me to go, "oh shit! that may not have been real smart" as the heat alone off of it was pretty intense. I just stayed c...