Deep Breath and Prayer

I missed TBT last week in order to get some thoughts and feelings out. Not this week. Thursday gets its spot back where we can all laugh and enjoy a little bit of a time that once was. Plus, I just need to write something that does not require a lot of thinking and soul-searching. A couple weeks ago in session, I made a comment in regards to prom. With that and the fact we have started to meet to plan our 25th class reunion, seems only fitting that I dig up the picture and once again, brag about how good I looked. Yes, this might be the only time I ever have positive complements about myself while wearing a dress. Normally, I look horrible in yellow (not really the color for a red-head) and I rocked this shade! If I remember right, we snagged a deal on the dress. We would have had to, no way we could have afforded one at full price. And, let me note, the fingerless lace gloves totally made the outfit. What a figure I had, eh?? We can attribute that to the long-line bra and girdle. Ok, ...

Hey Big Blewy, remember me, your buddy Little Blewy? Seen that you have been struggling lately and feeling frustrated, lost, and in despair. I know it is only a moment and you are doing really great coming out of it, so I thought I would swing by and see if I can help you out a little bit. You saved me so maybe I can return the favor. Now, most likely I am going to tell you things that you already know, and that is ok because sometimes there are things in life that we just need to hear over and over. Where you are is not who you are. Ok? Are we good on this? It took me way too many years to figure that one out and at times I do still want to revert back to thinking otherwise. Just because you feel you are in a bad spot right now, it does not mean you are a bad person. And, where you are is not always dictated by something you did or did not do. I am continually learning that we sometimes find ourselves in places emotionally and we have no idea how we got there. It may be finding oursel...

Lisa and I would have discussions and a clinical term would come up and at times she would note how she didn't really care for the word though that was what it was called. Luckily her explanation made the word not so scary or clinical. The clinical word I hate the most? Mental illness. I hate hearing it, I hate saying it, and most of all I hate being it. Yes, it is one of those days.  The kind where you look in the mirror and just shake your head. The ones where you stand in the shower long past bathing until the hot water is gone, hoping it will just wash whatever it is, away. Something is off, something is not right. I am SO emotional. I really do feel like I am going to just break down at any given moment. No, I'm not really exaggerating that either. It is like every 5th breath or so is trying to be followed by tears. It's been slowly building up for the past few days. Of course I keep trying to fight it and at the same time I keep telling myself just to go for it. Then ...

I coached for over 20 years and in that time I worked with teams in basketball from 5th grade through junior college and softball from 7-9 year olds and 14-18 year olds (who were pretty much the same maturity level as the 7-9 year olds, no, come to think about it, the 7-9 year olds may have been more mature). I really do miss it at times. Coaching really changed in those 20 years. By the time I hung up my whistle (and can I note that I used the same whistle all those years too) it had become more like babysitting than educating and building skills. I did not care for babysitting when I was 13, and most definitely didn't care for it in my 30's. In all those years though, there are very few negative memories and tons of positive ones. I often think I learned more from the kids than they may have learned from me. I continually find life lessons that I can look back at my teams and find better insight. For being a basketball coach at heart, I loved the 9 years of softball I did in ...