Deep Breath and Prayer

Red rover, red rover. Maybe that is more like the scenario in my psyche? Been wanting to sit and write this one since session on Tuesday, then I heard something on Wednesday and was like, oh glad I waited, then had session with Tami yesterday. Oh who the hell knows at this point if it all makes more sense of if I am totally confusing myself. Yet, we do know, my brain does run like a freight train out of control. Chris and I had another "them and I" vs. "they are all you" chat Tuesday. It is not the first one. I am sure it will not be the last one. We all know my brain keeps thinking and pondering and so on long after session ends. When I first came in, there was a new toy on the table and I got pretty excited over it - hey, it was cool. I later wondered, if we were to have had a discussion at that point - a discussion about how I viewed myself - separated or integrated - would the answer have been different? Or if the discussion would have happened when we wer...

I feel like I have been in a vortex. Yah, there is a new one. Makes me think of those big yellow funnel looking things that would be at the mall that you would put a penny in an it would roll around and around and around as it moved closer to the bottom. That probably says something about me as it is my guess that most people might say that they would think of a tornado or something more like that when you said the word vortex. Eh, whatever. But those big yellow thingys were pretty cool. There is a sense of things not feeling "real", and I get it - I'm once in places that I have not been before in my healing journey, or it's been a very, very long time. So it only makes sense for it not to feel real, familiar, or any other word that might go in there. Let's see, if you were to put a soundtrack to it, put the Carpenters and Barry Manilow on the turntable. Just that melancholy, stepping carefully, trying to figure out my place in this new place. Of course all th...