Deep Breath and Prayer

Check out this cool place....not the people, I don't know who they are (or what they are doing), yet this place is a huge sandbox. Is that really cool or what? It is over in Covington and called "The Sand Box" (yah, I know, original, eh?). I heard about this place about a year ago and have drooled to go over and play. Today I was going to have the chance. Jude, one my primary kids had his birthday there today and asked me to come. I have spent all week totally stoked about going to this place. Even this morning, I was answering texts about going and how excited I was. Then I started to get ready to go...... So, hey, going to the Sand Box will just have to stay on my to-do list for a while longer. As I started to get ready, I had that shut you down anxiety of "you can't go outside, outside is bad." Yes, I know that the thing to do in this case is to push through it and go outside. Most times I can do that and then there are those times when, with each step to...

I did good today. Now, Tami would get all over me for saying that because I used the word "good" and she says that if I imply something is good that is implying that there is a bad counterpart and she is trying to keep me from connecting the two. Chris does the same, yet doesn't call me out on it as much as Tami does. Anyways, I did good today. Spent the day in Charleston. Had to go do some ASL website work with Robin on campus. It was a beautiful day and the sun was shining bright. I just kept reassuring myself that it was ok to enjoy it to the extent that I could. Before we headed to lunch we snapped some pictures in front of Old Main. This is a busy photo-op spot during graduation yet I never had my pix taken here. I decided today was the day. I took a little trek around campus and town and snapped pictures of all the places I had lived. Ok, so I didn't get the trailer park I lived in when I first moved back in 98, as it is now a renovated modular home park and I d...

Hey Blewy, what you got there? A list of all the things I need to try and change about myself, or try to look at different, or try to relearn.  Looks long. Yah, it really is and I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed, like there are so many things that I am starting to feel defeated before I even start. Is that why you have spent more time in bed the past 4 days than you have out of bed and when you were out of bed you were hiding and avoiding at any chance you could take? Wow, did you miss anything there?   No, I don't think so. Why haven't you talked to me all weekend?  Been scared. Depression has been on overload since the incident and it just seems to be becoming a heavier weight on my shoulders each day. Are you going to talk to anyone about it?   Probably not. I could send an email, yet I am pretty apprehensive about doing that anymore.  Not up to feeling stupid again.  Will just do my best to ride it out as long as I can.  I go back in May, ma...