Deep Breath and Prayer

I have recently come to a conclusion. When I stop writing, I get into a lot of trouble. I don't make as sound of decisions, I don't "think through" things as well, and I cut off my ability to really express my needs. Some realizations are better late than never I guess. I think I need to put a memo out to all my friends that when I say (or allude to) "I can control this" or "I can handle this" that they need to sit me down, get in my face, and ask me what the heck I am up to. I have learned that when I make those kinds of expressions, it usually means that I have selected from the "less effective" column and probably from the top 5 of that list. Again, a little self awareness (hopefully) goes a long way. I have been fighting my lovely demon of anxiety attacks way more than I want to lately. Yes, I understand that physically I am still down (yet working on it) and that is just like a wide open invitation for anxiety, yet it would be nice i...

Posts from previous blog known as "I fight the fight" written while in first session of DBT (Sept 2013 - May 2014). Compiled together in Jan 2019.

Well, class is officially over. It still seems odd that tomorrow will roll around and I will go home after work. It was lifesaving, that is only one of many, many good things I can say about it. It was not easy by far. I have decided that feelings and emotions are the scariest thing in the world. We can learn to make friends with them or be haunted by them. And, according to dialectics, both could happen at the same time. This blog started as an option to get comfortable a bit more with feelings and emotions. I never thought it would be as powerful of a tool as it became. I allowed myself for it to be a place I could safely come and talk and work through things, good and bad. Some posts were not easy to write, yet they had to be told. I still struggle with vocally sharing my thoughts and feelings. I still trip over words, I still stumble through thoughts. Writing has been a comfortable environment that allowed me to get out what I needed to get out. I am getting better with my words, y...