Deep Breath and Prayer

Opposite action. Remember this? I brought this up quite a while ago. I think I said that I was going to talk more about it, although am not sure I ever did. Now, by definition, opposite action seems more to be applied to stronger emotions such as anger or fear. It is a great technique that can keep you from punching someone or something. As well, it can help you to overcome avoiding behaviors. I guess if the emotion is not as severe than it would be more distress tolerance. It appears to me that there is a gray area between the two, or a place where maybe they overlap? I so want to just rant and rave and whine and bitch. Yes, I really do. I want to pick something up and throw it at the wall so hard that it shatters and then delight in the destruction. Oh, worry not, I can't even stand up for 5 minutes today without trying to pass out so I am about as dangerous as a moth at this point. Yes, the "day-after-the-day-after" philosophy has been true to form and I have had (am h...

Hard to believe that I only have two more days of posting these. It has been fun for me, the having permission to go and do anything I have wanted without feeling one bit of guilt. I've got some great memories and a weekend to still add to it. Today, for me, I: Did nothing. So I guess there are different ways to take that. Maybe I should say, "listened to my body and did nothing" because that is what it was telling me to do. I did have a good night's sleep and woke up around 7:30. After laying there a few and realizing I was not in pain or nauseated, I grabbed my pillow and blanket and made the trek out to the couch where, except to fix some breakfast, I would spend the next 6 hours. I watched movies (Soul Surfer, Saving Mr. Banks), caught up on my Grey's Anatomy episodes, and watched Chef Ann whomp Chef Steve in Chopped All-Stars on the Food network. I colored, texted, channel surfed, and when my eyeballs got heavy, took the trek back into bed and slept for a fe...

Yes, this will be short, sweet, and to the point. Since I am a little functional at the moment I felt like I really could not allow myself to skip a "for me" day, even if I did have a valid excuse to not write. Today, for me, I: Proof that I am alive and not looking too bad. Luckily, you can't see how glassy my eyes are! Did not die. Yes, you are all stuck with me still. I'm thinking that doesn't really bother anyone and I am pretty thankful for it. Was home and in bed by about 10:30 this morning and then it all went to hell, yet the ablation procedure itself went just fine. It pretty much feels like a monster truck drove a few times over my midsection. Which, oddly, is ok as "pain" is something I can handle. Then, there is the aching and cramping through my hips and quads from being strung up - ok, that is what about does me in. This time around the combination of the two was extreme enough that it just made me nauseated on top everything. So, although...

I am actually having fun with the "something for me" adventure. I lie in bed at night and smile and laugh at the thing(s) I have done for the day and think to myself, "what can I do tomorrow?" I am thinking that somewhere along the line, this has to be good for me. I am slowly starting to understand that I can do things for me and for others - one does not have to take away from the other, they can both exist. It is a process. A process that requires practice, trust, patience, and action. I can't expect to wake up one day and things be different (or viewed different) on their own. I have to do my part too. I am trying. I look forward to Monday for some feedback on how I am doing with it. With that... Today, for me, I: Was not broken. I decided to give myself permission today to not be broken. I want (and need) to learn to accept that I have things wrong with me that I can't make go away (beat). For me, accepting this is not as simple as just saying it. I wi...

12 hours round trip, 500+ miles, two tanks of gas, and visits with a handful of missionaries. That pretty much sums up this day. Oh, milk and bread. I bought those on the way home. Ok, probably not really a "something for myself" although I did need them so I think they could be classified as such. Today was "LaFonda's last ride" as it was quickly dubbed. Allow me to explain. Before the holidays when I went to the gyno for my current issues, my missionaries became really concerned if I was going to be ok (both the sisters AND the elders). So, to make conversations and communications a little more appropriate for public consumption, they "discretely" named my uterus "LaFonda". Therefore, they could say "what's happening with LaFonda" instead of yelling down the church hallway, "Hey, how's your uterus!" It also makes text messaging and emailing much easier. I am a little embarrassed to admit just how many missionarie...

Today, for me, I: (Did not) go out with the team. I actually listened to my body, and when it was only 20 degrees outside when I woke up, I decided that was a little insane. Not so much the riding in the cold weather as taking the chance of getting sick before Thursday. So I rolled back over for another hour then got up. When I got in, they were all doing workouts inside on the rollers, so they didn't go out on the road either! I ate cookies. Yes, I did and I did not feel guilty and I enjoyed every flipping bite of them. I have been trying so hard to keep low calories and eat my high protein and dairy and vegetables that I think I am going to scream. I guess I can say that the eating issues are going ok - if I compare them to what they had been, yet I'm still struggling with them. Had hoped the trip to the nutritionist would have helped more than it has, although I had hoped it would be a resource I could check in with weekly or every two weeks, not a 6-week window. I will fi...

I have a feeling this will get harder starting tomorrow when I have "real life" in the mix. That is tomorrow though, so let's see how I did for today! Today, for me, I: Took a bubble bath. Yes, I went to the store, bought a bottle of Mr. Bubble, and took a long, fun bubble bath. Just like when I was a kid, I made a bubble beard and mustache, bubble mohawk, and just had some relaxing fun. Have you ever noticed Mr. Bubble smells like Bazooka bubble gum? Maybe Bazooka smells like Mr. Bubble (which came first, the chicken or the egg). I even practiced my mindfulness as I would scoop up the bubbles and try to sense how they felt against my skin. You know, you don't really "feel" bubbles on you as they are so light. It is almost like a slight tickling sensation, like if you were to run a feather across your skin. The best part, I bought a big bottle.....more bubble baths in the future!!! Took flowers to Grandma Blew. It's been 5 years this month that Grandma...