Deep Breath and Prayer

So many things on my mind to write. So many topics. Yah, the craziness in the head starts to come back. At least it is all understandable still at this point. It was a good day. Got through a few more things in the garage and finally got my desk brought into the house. Ok so it is sitting in the middle of the kitchen, and it is finally in the house! How many years have I lived here? It needs a good cleaning with the dusting spray. It has fared well in the garage, yet it has some scars too. I was looking at it when I was bringing it in and chuckling as now I can see how it was built. I think I could almost build it myself. Of course I have never done anything with laminate, although I have watched videos on it. I have gone back and forth if I will put it in the living room or my bedroom. I think it will go in my bedroom. I will put my scriptures on it. Maybe put my laptop in there. Force me to sit and study and such in one spot. Granted. sprawling on the couch like this on the lapto...

Welcome to a new year. So many old scars on that poor left arm. Seems like I would make it many more days, weeks, months, before more would be added. And thus the demons get first strike in 2019. I find it amazing in a way, how the day after a self-harming incident, my mind is so quiet and calm. Seriously, it's like I can function and think and heck, almost remember things. Ever see a lake that is so calm it is like a mirror? Think of that kind of an effect happening right after a torrential rain storm that has included hail, destructive winds, lightening, and induced sheer terror. Oh, and the storm lasted multiple days without stopping. No in-between, just the horrible storm for so long, then you go to sleep and when you wake up, the calmest opposition. In the thankfulness of it, you also wonder, how does that work. I have all these skills, knowledge of coping, distress tolerance, etc. I can ride the wave, fake it, soothe, and more. I am not sure if I have ever made it to th...