Deep Breath and Prayer

February 6th and out fishing??? Yah, I will take it!! They kind of look like buddies just hanging out soaking up some sun. Didn't catch anything yet it was so nice to just be out there and enjoying myself. Since demons and all can't go fishing with me, it was relaxing and calming for a moment in the chaos. Next nice day I will go hit my spot at Mattis Lake.

  Hmm, wonder if I can take a picture of this candle and it look cool?

Cali was here today!! 

 I really cannot believe I am going to let this all take up space in my blog, yet I am. You see, it starts like this. No contact, then one day you get a nice text message. Your warning signals start going off because you know the pattern - you are only contacted when something is wanted. It is like bait that plays with your head....do I answer? do I not answer? if i do, how do I answer? is this a trick? is this genuine? is this the "it will be different this time" moment? Then the "I don't want to be rude" thoughts. I mean, her text wasn't rude, so out of common courtesy, I should not be rude back by ignoring it? I will answer, generally and safely, not committing to anything, not opening any doors, not offering any ammo. Then part two rolls in..... Ah, so I was right, this is the "I need something" pattern. Packed with the start of the guilt phrases..."my future box" and "that goes to someone". You see, these may sound like not...

Bonnie and Clyde. The most diabolical, viscous, and elusive Canadian Geese in the Savoy area. Is there much I can really say about them? Just saying "Bonnie and Clyde are here" brings up all kinds of memories and laughing. Besides, they are Canadian Geese, so they are not getting too much of my time :) What a crazy time my life has been lately. I would say that I am handling it well. Not really sure what is up with that, maybe it is all finally sinking in. Makes me feel kind of good and yet there are only a small group of people I can share it with who understand the battle enough to know it is a good thing. One thing I have thought a lot about through all of this is, well, I guess it would be emotional regulation. There are a few thoughts that I still struggle with and even though I know "that is not how it is supposed to be" sometimes I find myself discouraged. Let's see if I can get some of those thoughts out on paper so they will get out of my head for a bit...

So it started like this...I looked around work for a photo for the day that was kind of unique. The ball players had just gotten back from a tourney and their court chairs were still lined up in the hall. Perfect! (BTW, the wheels come off, they are not broke).    Then, on the way home, there was this AMAZING sunset that I had to take a picture of to send to Shauna and ask her if she missed sunsets like this. (yes, she does) Then I got home and crawled into bed to take a nap and THIS happened.... Yes, the home for wayward animals now has a baby squirrel. Of course the little guy was scared and got under my cabinets but couldn't get out. I can fix that!   Tess was not the slight bit interested and hid on the couch the whole time. Some watchdog she is....well, she is a dog and she did sit there watching. Break out the power tools and go for it! Someone today was like "you cut a hole in your cabinet??" And I was just like, "Um, yah." Truthfully, I didn't think ...

Primary ice cream day and a silly Sister Turpin!