Deep Breath and Prayer

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Well, I have no intention of writing 1000 words tonight, yet we all know I could. With that, there is an awful lot going on in this picture....oh so lot. I actually was just taking a pix of my roses I picked up tonight and then when I looked at the photo, I realized everything that was in it. Ali. Um, do I even need to say more? There could be 1000+ words right there. I sure wonder if my heart will ever stop aching. I don't know if it is "normal" or not to miss an animal so much to the point it just hurts deep into your soul, yet that is where I still am. I have no clue what the answer is to make the hurt stop, yet I figure it just takes time. I am usually very self-conscious about repeating stories or talking about something over and over, yet as far as Ali, sorry world, you will just have to continue hearing me talk about her, even if it is the same stories over and over. Back to the roses....cool aren't they? Here is on...

I tried to fish today. It did not last long as my fingers quickly became numb from the wind. Seems I need to find some winter fishing gloves. As well, over 90% of the lake was frozen over. Yah, did not even think about that. It was melted near the dock and I actually had a few nibbles in that short time. What sent me to attempt fishing today? We have an employee who is very "high strung" and gets overwhelmed quite rapidly. She could use DBT really bad. With the nature of her position she walks in front of my door frequently each day and currently as I am covering captioning, we have to discuss things. When she is hyped and walking back and forth, there is a lot of animation and verbal exasperation, and most of the time I can ignore it. Not today. With my own emotional vulnerability being a bit hypersensitive, it was really upsetting my attempts to stay calm. After a couple visits to my office where she reacted as if it was the end of the world, I was finished. I was in that t...

Snuggle day with Evelyn Maude! Because no matter how bad life gets, snuggling babies make it all ok.

I believe it was on one of the last trips to Arkansas that mom and took together that we saw this. It was hanging up on the wall in this shop where you could get pet related stuff. We were so surprised at how much it looked like Ali, especially since she is not pure blooded. The only thing it is missing is a hot pink collar (Ali only wore hot pink collars, and I still have most all of them). We bought it, and if I remember right they had to take it off the wall. Have spent a lot of years snuggling with the Ali blanket (as it became known) and still curl up with it. Of course I had to fight for it as when she was alive, she thought it was hers. Then again, all things were hers as she believed. It is ok, I would give her everything I had and will ever have if it meant having a few more moments with her. Oh Ali, I miss you and I am not sure that empty place in my heart and soul will ever go away.

Just getting photos uploaded. Even though I don't get them posted daily, I am taking them. Chris and I did a couple puzzles. One did not match the box, and the other had an extra piece. Oh silly, silly puzzles, messing with the crazy girl's head.

Ok, you knew it was just a matter of time before Tessa showed up in the Pix of the day.  Yet, enjoy the video of her too! 

Once there was a snowman, snowman, snowman, Once there was a snowman, tall, tall, tall. In the sun he melted, melted, melted. In the sun he melted, small, small, small.   Feasting upon the scriptures  does not mean eating your scriptures!

I feel like my poor globe - like I have been dropped and I am in pieces. This week has taken a toll on my physically and emotionally. Although I am "better" physically, I am still fighting some pretty dark thoughts emotionally. It finally came to a point that I just shut up about them, quit sharing that they were bothering me again, that their screams and taunts we becoming unbearable. I tell myself that at the end of the day, the only one who can make them stop (or I entertain myself with the thought) is me. Quit my bitching, suck it up, and figure out how to get over it or live with it. Any which way the decision goes, stop bothering people with it all. I really need to remove the phrase "help me" from my vocab as I find myself feeling more and more guilty each time I say or use it. See my pieces? See the ones on the left? Not sure how to fix those. Glue? Tape? Not a clue. Will need to come up with something or the southern tip of South America is going to be hurt...