POTD & Thoughts - Jan 16
I actually was just taking a pix of my roses I picked up tonight and then when I looked at the photo, I realized everything that was in it.
Ali. Um, do I even need to say more? There could be 1000+ words right there. I sure wonder if my heart will ever stop aching. I don't know if it is "normal" or not to miss an animal so much to the point it just hurts deep into your soul, yet that is where I still am. I have no clue what the answer is to make the hurt stop, yet I figure it just takes time. I am usually very self-conscious about repeating stories or talking about something over and over, yet as far as Ali, sorry world, you will just have to continue hearing me talk about her, even if it is the same stories over and over.
Back to the roses....cool aren't they? Here is one of those "Blewy secrets"...I like to get flowers. I know, does not really fit me does it? I like bath beads and things that fizz in the water too, yet I do not announce that very often. Anyways, I do like flowers. Yellow roses are my favorites, and when those are not available, the gas stations usually have these neat tipped (actually I think they are spray painted) roses. So, yes, I like flowers and the thing is I can probably count on one hand the times I have received them from another. Ok, so that does not count the dozen roses Nicole sent me at work after we separated in an effort to suck up. I took them out into the hall, set them on top of one of the trash cans and put a sign that said "Free, please take and enjoy." They disappeared so someone got to enjoy some pretty flowers. I thought about throwing them away, yet it was not the flowers fault.
I am not sure how long ago I started buying myself flowers. Guess I figured that if I was not going to be receiving them from others, that didn't mean I couldn't enjoy them. They make me smile. I think everyone should get flowers. Sure, there is the whole romantic thing, etc, yet it is just fun to get flowers, it doesn't have to be a romantic gesture. I like buying flowers for others too, yet again, have to watch that I am not conveying a wrong message. It is fun to go look at flowers and think of someone and which might make them smile. I am sure I would really annoy someone if they went flower shopping with me because I take a long time to look and decide. Well, I think that it is important decision. Not only do you have to find the right fit for the person, you have to find the right fit on the "from" side as well. These things take time. Ok, so maybe I over-do it a little, like with the gas station flowers, there may be 8 blue tipped ones, yet I have to look at all of them and find the one that seems to call to me. And, like tonight, I kept trying to pick the blue one out of the bucket and the green one kept coming up as well. I figured that meant I needed to get both of them. Aren't they pretty? Don't they make you smile? They make me smile.
If I had to think of the flowers I have received, and think of which ones I remember the most, it would have to be my bouquet I got from Erika (Watts). Watts had a key to my house and after a long, rough week, I came home from work to get ready for a game and there were flowers in a vase with a note saying to have a great game. I still carry that card around in my wallet, almost 15 years later. See, friends can buy flowers for each other. I do believe I bought several for her too.
Of course there is a whole large section of my memory that holds memories of Watts. My vodka bottle vase is a part of one of my favorites. I do think that Watts and Ali drank that whole bottle - Watts would fill up her cup, set it down while we were all chatting, and Ali would sneak up and drink it. Not sure who had the worse hangover the next day. You know, I just realized that the only time I have been around hard liquor since I stopped drinking and it did not bother me was that night. Most likely because I trying to control much larger urges than having a drink. That silly bottle has managed to last all these years and the only casualty has been the lid that disappeared long ago. Oh Watts, even though I tried to take it back and offer it to another, seems that you are the only one who can keep my heart safe.
There is even more happening in this photo, like the cool stained glass candle holder made my dear friend Julie. She gave me that the last time I saw her before she passed away. I am not a materialistic person, yet I do enjoy things that have personal connections. To think about the time and care Julie took to create that little box, then want me to have it, is awesome. She did some amazing stained glass work. I don't know, I think it means something special for someone to "a piece" of themselves to another. Whether it be something hand-made, written, or something that represents something about themselves. It's kind of like when a child colors a picture and they have that "look, I made this just for you" smile on their face. It is like a snapshot in time. I find joy in those kind of things - both the giving and receiving end of it.
Well, since I said I wouldn't write 1000 words, I will end this. Yup, lots of memories around this house.