Deep Breath and Prayer

It was nice to sleep in today, really nice. I did not want to get up and finally made myself crawl out of bed.  We had a baptism at church today and I was so happy to celebrate my friend's long journey to come unto Christ. She just smiled and glowed....she should, this is a great day for her! When I got home, I had all these things I wanted to do outside, yet that dang anxiety monster was hounding me to go inside and hide. I sure wish I knew why I get afraid of being outside.  Although I know nothing is going to hurt me, I get so afraid.  Maybe it is the openness? I really don't know.  Time to do some research on agoraphobia. I went in for a few, then just got up and headed outside. It was my skill practicing of opposite action.  I was very aware of the presence of the anxiety the whole time I was out there, yet I stuck it out. I do believe that Tess and I will both sleep very well tonight....which is happening very soon! With that, today, these things happened....

I went back and looked at last year's posts. Ah, the infamous "do something for yourself" experiment...round one. Seems I did well. It also was "fry LaFonda" week. Hey, not going to complain one bit, it's been pretty awesome to not have a period for the last year. Here it is, spring break time. Although I did well with things last year, I am not going to go look at emails. It is my guess that I did not do the best with those. So what about this year? No surgery planned, no vacation days planned, no emotional meltdowns planned. I'm going to give that "do something for me" another shot. I have a few projects I would like to at least start. My biggest goal will be to leave my mental health providers alone. As I have said before, everybody needs a little Blewy in their life, and yet, everybody needs a break from Blewy at times too. I want to be able to go see Chris next week and report that I did really good. I'm totally going for a pat on the ...

I took today off of work. I "had a flu bug" and it is possible I might not be better tomorrow.  I needed a mental break from work. The 10 hour days are starting to wear on me and I can tell I am getting kind of impatient.  Also just needed a day away from having my work second-guessed by a co-worker.  Although they found me via email, at least I was able to deal with it on my schedule. I have to figure out how I am going to handle that situation.  In time I will find an answer, doesn't have to be tonight. It is not a complete lie, I haven't felt the best lately.  My stomach and I have been arguing for a few days and the headaches have come and gone.  It's just being tired and feeling stressed and not taking time to stop and recover. Thus today...and possibly tomorrow. I rested quite a bit, yet about 4 I decided it was time to get some of my goals taken care of.  I spent the next few hours outside. I replaced the stereo in my car.  This may not sou...

There has been so much going through my mind since Friday. I have wanted to sit and write more than once, yet when I did have time, I was exhausted.  I am excited for session tomorrow because I feel like I have lots to share.  Of course there is some apprehension there too because I am afraid I will get in there and not remember or craziness like that.  Then there are all the questions in my head.  Yah, going to assume it's all going to go blank at 9:15. So Saturday I went to Time Out for Women over in Indy.  I was hesitant to go, yet kind of got peer pressured into it.  What I was expecting and what it was were so far apart.  It was truly amazing and uplifting. It actually was Fri and Sat yet my friend and I just went on Saturday. Wow, there were a lot of people - this photo is from my seat looking toward the back, it doesn't include about that many who were seated in front of me.  My one friend was a helper so she had 2 reserved seats toward the...