Spring break

-
I went back and looked at last year's posts. Ah, the infamous "do something for yourself" experiment...round one. Seems I did well. It also was "fry LaFonda" week. Hey, not going to complain one bit, it's been pretty awesome to not have a period for the last year.

Here it is, spring break time. Although I did well with things last year, I am not going to go look at emails. It is my guess that I did not do the best with those.

So what about this year? No surgery planned, no vacation days planned, no emotional meltdowns planned. I'm going to give that "do something for me" another shot. I have a few projects I would like to at least start. My biggest goal will be to leave my mental health providers alone. As I have said before, everybody needs a little Blewy in their life, and yet, everybody needs a break from Blewy at times too.

I want to be able to go see Chris next week and report that I did really good. I'm totally going for a pat on the back and a big yippee. Hey, we all need goals. I just want to feel like I am making good progress.

I'm really tired tonight. I can see it in my writing, it is not as smooth flowing as usual. That's OK, at least I am writing. When I am tired like this, I am usually bitchy or needy...sometimes both. And, thanks to the magic of dialectics, I know I can be both and it is perfectly fine.

With that, I'm putting my needy self to bed. Maybe the guardian will read me a bedtime story...or at least hang out until I fall asleep.

Happy spring break!

Popular posts from this blog

Never a failure again

-
October 15, 1991 was a Tuesday. I was a junior at EIU studying Journalism. I remember waking up that morning feeling overwhelmed to a level I had never experienced. My roommate left for class and I sat there looking at the clock calculating what the last possible moment could be before I left for mine. The minutes continued to tick away until finally I put my shoes on, went out to my car, drove home, and walked away from it all. I remember when I got home. I was asked why I was there and, now that I think back to it, my answer of "I'm not going back" may not have been the best statement to make. I was not on scholarship, yet I had enough grants that I was pretty much on a free ride. I was an honor student, smart and innovative. I pulled A's and B's with minimal effort. I loved learning and I loved the college environment. I had my educational planned out through a doctorate degree. It just could not be understood how I could walk away from a free education. It was...
Read more

No more numbers

-
It has been a pretty full afternoon. I finally slowed down about 8 while working on a friend's computer. I knew I had "stopped long enough to breathe" as I was hit with a wave of anxiety. I react to anxiety a lot different now. Instead of letting it overwhelm me and take control, I generally think to myself, "oh, well, look at that" and take a deep breath or two. That is what I did earlier. Just took a few breaths, acknowledged the anxiety, reminded myself that I knew what it was being triggered by, told myself I would address it later, then kept working on the computer. I was able to meet with my old nutritionist this afternoon. I am so glad I followed my desire to hunt her down as it was a great meeting. We caught up on things, talked about my getting healthy journey and surgery. When I was seeing her, I had been looking into surgery and my insurance at the time had so many hoops to jump through that it just became too much. Actually, that is why I started see...
Read more

Checking in

-
Hey Blewy Hey there. You've been sitting here a while, you ok? Yah, just looking around the empty gym and thinking. Will you share with me what is on your mind? Like, what do you know about this gym? Is it a familiar place or just a plain old gym? Oh, it is no ordinary gym, never been. This is the gym from my middle school days. Not sure why, yet when I have tried to imagine the rowdy kids and the loudness, this is where it is. Seems a little ironic as, even though I really did not care for middle school, a lot of great things happened in this gym. I played ball in this gym and 10 years later would return and coach here. Ok, so memories of PE class are not exactly top of the list, yet I will take all the ball ones. Band was up there on the stage, another great moment in time. I played flute then. You know, there was this room up top of the stage, like there was this door that went to some space that was above the locker rooms. We always wondered what was up there and even when I ca...
Read more