Deep Breath and Prayer

Well, COVID 19 is still out there and we are all still quarantined. Yes, it sounds like a sci-fi movie. Welcome to the new world. Ann is running a low grade fever now and Evelyn is sick. I really thought it might catch me before her, yet she does have kids. The isolation sucks, it messes with my head. I went out yesterday and managed to stay out. Played in the shop and went fishing. That was well. The day before tried for a walk around the block, that didn't go as well. Made about 1/2 a block before the anxiety got me. Safe places good, all other places too scary. It is hard to keep track of things. I need to come up with a project for work, or start on my finals for class. Something that keeps me out of bed and keeps my mind busy. Yes, can clean the house and maybe that should be my goal too. I could count how many muddy paw prints come through the house as it keeps raining outside. Yup, glad I got out yesterday, today sucks. But I do get to "see" Chris at noon and Me...

I really don't know if I will ever get rid of that dark piece in me. I have a feeling that the day that someone comes into my life and truly loves me, that it might change. Problem is, that most likely isn't going to happen in this life, so how do I deal with a demon that keep reminding me on a regular basis that I am not worth the same as others and follows it up with some really good evidence? You see, if they supported it with a bunch of BS, that would be one thing, yet when it is factual crap, that makes it harder. So in my homework from Chris I said, can I just keep telling myself that I am "as worthy as Washo" cause I know she has it made in that worthy department. She said sure, if that works, to go for it. I will say things like I just want to know what it feels like, etc. Truth is that I know these things. So I guess the proper thing to say is either to remember how it feels or the chance to feel that way again. I remember the confidence, and I remember havi...