Deep Breath and Prayer

Been a lot on my mind since session with Tami today. Not anything to be worried about me about, yet I just don't know who to talk to. Thankfully I can come home and write. Well, Tami and I did talk about last week. Ok, so, my bad. It would seem that she didn't yell at me. Of course I had to ask several times, "are you sure you didn't yell at me?" and then we went through what was said and how things were said and how I heard things and apparently how things were actually said. She said she never rose her voice. I told her I heard her yelling at me. Of course this led back into the talk of I can decide that I am not ready to do this and it is ok. So I think we got things back on track there. I told her in the exchange that I was afraid to talk because I was afraid of her reaction. She said that was not good because she wanted her office to be a safe place and that if I was afraid when I was in there, then that was not going to allow for healing. She explained tha...

Chris would love it, I have created a spiral...a mini spiral, and I have created one. Might as well call it that, as this seems to be something that always comes back around. Therefore, let us call it a spiral. Wherever she is at the moment she is probably feeling some little warm fuzzy. I applied back in late fall and received a handicap placard for the car. And, let me say, that might be the only instance where "handicap" is still used. Anyways, as I was having so much difficulty walking and sometimes that was extreme, it was a good thing to do. Now, there is the practicality of it - with my physical health, it was very much a good thing to do, especially with winter on its way. And then, there is the emotional tie of it - walking out to my car each time and seeing it hanging in the window. Now this is totally one of those "applies to me only" things. Dude, you know what (sidebar rant here), I really thought I was over having to go through the prelim explanati...

I have several pictures that I have drawn over time. They are in my collection. Guess that might be why I haven't drawn the one that has been in my head the past few days.  There is the one where it feels like there is so much pressure in my body that the emotions are bursting out of my chest.  There is the one where I am in the middle, surrounded by locked rooms. There are several where I am being engulfed by darkness of some kind. There is the one where I am small and a large entity is overshadowing me. Why draw another? Damn anxiety. Haunts me. I guess it always will. We move into the whole learning to control it cause it isn't going anywhere thoughts and all that stuff. Still sucks.   Gilly has anxiety. When she gets anxious, she starts scratching or biting, like a bad itch. Not sure she realizes she is doing it cause when you say here name she will jump like "oh was in another world there", kind of like I do with scratching my hands.  S...