Deep Breath and Prayer

Would it be a positive to say that I made it to 4:00 before I really started hating myself? I am sure there has to be some kind of positive piece to that. I know, what happened? I think there is probably a more legit answer than mine, yet I am guessing that I put my feelings out there and life kicked them in the teeth just as a reminder. I had my first appointment with Melissa, the dietician yesterday and it went very well. Yah, I got a little shaken up having to rehash my history yet I understand that is just a part of things. One of the homework assignments I got was to keep a simplified food journal for 3 days - any 3 days I wanted before I see her again. She asked if I was OK with that, and I said that I was. I did make the comment that I assumed that didn't mean changing my eating  habits because I was writing things down again. She said, no, no changing things. Yah, ok, we all know me better. I may not make drastic changes yet I will most definitely not be having my afternoon...

Dear Heavenly Father, it's me....yes, Big Blewy. I need to talk and I hope you will listen and maybe even give some feedback. I know I do not come talk to you as much as I should, and I am working on that. I've been trying hard on this healing and getting mentally healthy road. It has not been easy and I am sure there have been plenty of times where my willfulness and stubbornness made it harder than it needed to be. It gets frustrating at times and I want to give up, and then I do great things and have these little victories and I want to keep fighting. I am in this "place" and I just don't know the next move to make, or if I do, I am not sure how. You see, sometimes things are new and I am not sure how to work with them. Then, sometimes things are familiar yet they have had negative results in the past and I am afraid to try again because I don't want to get hurt again. I am tired of being hurt, whether it is by myself or others. I know I have not much contr...