Deep Breath and Prayer

I like it when a win comes before noon - or before 10:30 am. It is even better when it comes with personal satisfaction. When I moved into my house back in 2006 I inherited a nice, hefty desk. It had been a great aunt's desk that sat in the same spot in her house all the many years she had it. From 2006 - 2010, it moved back and forth between my living room and bedroom multiple times. The last time it had made the move into the living room, it pretty much had reached it mobility point and once it was set in place was needed a few extra screws and bolts to keep it together. When the time came to move it one last time I really didn't know if it would make the 12-15 feet back to the bedroom. So, in 2010 it took its final spot in the house. I just hoped it would not fall apart while I sat at it. I did know that it was not going to be moved again. Why am I talking about an old desk? It is a good example of how my life has been and how it can be some days. When you are asked how you ...

Yeah! It's Friday! What an tiring week this has been. I got home around 5:30 tonight and it was all I could do to keep my eyes open. Since I have this happening social life, I figured I would take a little nap then get up and start on the computer stuff that is on my weekend to-do list. I can afford an hour or two, right? So, the phone rings at 9:45 pm and wakes me up. Oops. All you can think in times like this is that I really must have needed it. I don't think I am going to argue with that one. Although physically it has not been too bad of a week (matter of fact it probably could have been a little more ambitious in that area), emotionally it has been draining. I do sometimes think that the exhaustion that can come from emotional/mental situations can be far more powerful. I am sure there was a physical component in there a bit as I have been going non-stop and my body really wasn't back at 100% at the beginning of the week. You know, I am just happy some days that I jus...

Hey look - I practiced self-compassion tonight! I bought myself flowers. Are we impressed?? What prompted such an event? I went grocery shopping. Yup that was an experience. I tried to do it non-judgmentally, I really did. I did well with that for the most part. It is difficult. You walk up and down the isles and it is "can't have that" or "can't tolerate that" or "too many carbs" or "not enough protein" and more. It's a wonderful experience. So, by the time I got around to the fruits and vegetables, I was done. I really contemplated the watermelon yet it was not looking too ripe. Even as much as I love watermelon, it has to be ripe. I thought to myself that I could continue working through the produce and getting upset with myself or I could just be done. So, instead of buying a candy bar and telling myself I am a big loser anyway, I bought myself flowers. They didn't have any yellow roses so I went for the neon bouquet! And yes,...

I had to make some deliveries on campus and found myself in the main library. I walked past this engraving of a name and some dates in the wall and just kind of glanced at it quickly. I thought to myself, is that guy buried in the wall? I stopped for a moment, then turned around and went back and looked at it. I don't think he is. Then again, it's a university library. The key element here is that I turned back around and went a looked at it. Usually I would have kept walking. Sure, I would have continued to be curious, yet I would not have given myself permission to go back and look. I know, kind of sounds silly, eh? I am realizing some things that I am not sure how to explain at times. There are sometimes those "ah-ha" type moments or things like today. It happens and then I realize, hey, I would not have done that before. Apparently the library was the place for this today as I was walking through the 4th floor labyrinth looking for the IT office. As I was walking ...

I feel I need to write something simply because I have been doing good on writing something each day. It really was not planned and I guess it is good as it makes me stop and slow down and think. I would like to say that I just sit down and whip out these posts right off the top of my head in no time and they are done. No, not really. They take me a while. I get a couple paragraphs in and then I stop and start pondering and thinking about how to present what is in my mind. Then I just start writing away, letting whatever comes to mind hit the page. After a while I will stop and go back and review, edit, add, and/or delete. I have been known to delete a whole post and start from scratch. If it is something that "digs deep" there are times I just have to get up and walk away from it for a few. I don't take too long - a few minutes at the most. A small break to breathe, gather my thoughts, and dig back in. When all is said and done, I average about two hours or so to write, ...

I made a comment in my last session to the effect that you know when I am really struggling with something because it doesn't make the blog. I thought about that for quite a while the rest of the day and since. Seeing that my writing has been such a powerful tool to help me work through thoughts, ideas, issues, fears, and more, why would I choose to not use it? I do believe the words are avoidance, willfulness, and denial. In other words, it will go away, I can fix it myself, and it is not that bad yet. Seriously, this is where I need one of my friends to pin me to a wall, get in my face, and say, "what do you think you are doing!" For some reason, no one ever wants to fill that role. My problems with my eating situation have gotten a good grip on me and I have to do something now before I get buried even deeper. No more "well, I am better than I was" comments (as they rank up there with the "oh ya, I'm fine" comments that I've been hu...

It is a beautiful day and I have a lot of computer work to catch up on, therefore instead of sitting here for hours writing a blog post (yes, it generally takes me 2-3 hours to write, edit, and publish a post) I figure it is a good day to put the answers to Tuesday's "random things about me" post. So, if you really were wanting to know if I pulled a good April Fool's over on you or not, here you go. Just for fun, I would suggest you go back to the original post and read through them again and make your guesses before reading the results below. Enjoy.... I have three siblings - two brothers and a sister. True. Most know I have an older brother and younger sister, yet many do not know I also have a younger half-brother whose name is Christopher. Yes, there are two people who go by "Chris Blew" out there who just happen to be siblings. After my dad left, he remarried and had a son. Christopher is in his late 20's now (or close to that). I have only seen hi...