Deep Breath and Prayer

At some point you just have to believe in yourself, have faith in your higher power, and go for it. I dropped a text to a friend earlier today expressing some feelings I was having. I knew that she would provide me honest feedback. We all need those people in our lives who will straight up tell you if you are or are not making good life choices. They do it because they love you. They the ones who will praise and encourage you and you know it is not sugar coated fluff, it is the truth. Of course, this is the same friend who over 20 years ago got me in a car on a long drive where I couldn't get away and gave me a stern "you are screwing your life up" talk. Unless I wanted to look like the week's roadkill, I was stuck listening to it. Oh, it made me so mad and to this day I am continually thankful for her boldness. She is one of my guardian angels. She probably should have put in for hazard pay years ago! There are aspects of my life that seem to be moving at warp speed ...

I have been asked before, if I had not been raised LDS, where would I be today? That has always been an easy answer - jail or dead. Even when my family was not actively attending church, it was a belief system that kept me in check. A law of health that stressed no drinking, smoking, and moderation in all things helped to keep me from continuing the cycle of alcoholism in my family - at least as a youth and young adult. A strict moral code helped to deter me from seeking "love and acceptance" in high-risk relationships. A week away at girl's camp for 11 years allowed me to foster healthy friendships that gave me a positive "circle of friends" to whom I still am in contact with. The gospel could not take the depression away, but in the darker moments, the knowledge of Christ having experienced all feelings and emotions from the highest high to the lowest low brought a small sense of peace - one that kept me alive for one more day. When my coping skills became sel...

Oh what a sight it would be for the person walking in front of my office door right now. I've got my headphones on, music cranked, and am lip syncing to Pink, Carrie Underwood, and Adele. It makes sense, I mean why would the Kelly Clarkson Pandora channel actually play Kelly Clarkson? And thus is the productivity of my day. I'm attributing it to my mind racing, 4 hours of sleep last night and abstinence from caffeine for a year and a half. Love me or leave me. At like 10 last night (or possibly later) I got this "need" to find an answer to something that has been bothering me. Although I thought I knew the answer, I was not going to be satisfied until I found it for sure or located enough information to form a stronger hypothosis. I really need to get these urges much earlier in the evenings. I found myself going through email communication with an individual that went back for about 5 years. I would read and re-read. I was looking for a pattern. I would manage to ide...

2 Timothy 4:7 is one of my favorite scriptures: "I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith."  Keep the faith. It's been a motto of mine for over 20 years. It has given me strength in times of weakness. It has given me light in times of darkness. It has given me strength in times of despair. Then, sometimes you come to the "end of your course" and that is where the test results come in. I loved serving a mission. I was a good missionary. No, I was a great missionary. What an amazing opportunity to go out for 18 months and spend 24/7 sharing the love of Christ. I had hoped I would end up somewhere with mountains. Since the entire world was a possible option, I did not know where I would end up. I still chuckle, it is like God said, "You want mountains, how about this?" And thus, my official call was to northwest Argentina (Salta, Oran, Tucuman, and Santiago de Estero) - right in the middle of the Andes Mountains. Awes...