Deep Breath and Prayer

Today I am thankful for faithful companions.

Tonight I am thankful for small miracles, for change, and blessings. I am thankful that I was able to find relief from the emotional distress that has weighed on me for the past few days.

At this moment, I am ok. I was not sure I was going to get here, I actually was afraid that I would find myself taking pins off my shoe by the end of it. I was that scared as I felt it going that direction and picking up speed. The last couple days were only supporting that result. I couldn't figure out why the muscles in my arms were aching today. I hadn't been lifting anything, let alone something heavy. They have hurt like I did a workout, then I remembered they kind of did get a workout yesterday. Apparently, I tensed up much more than I realized during that anxiety attack. Not really the best suggested way to build muscle. It has taken the last 4 hours of sitting quietly and doing nothing for things to calm down. I gave up going to the game tonight (which ended up on a two hour delay as I hear) in order to try and get on top of things. I am not even sure if that is a way to say it. I didn't sit here "trying" get better and settle down as I had pretty much acc...

I am sure hoping that the despair I feel this morning is just the "icing on the cake" of a rough week and it starts turning around. Joe found my knife out this morning, picks it up and asks why it was out. I told him the truth - I was cutting labels off bottles. He is so funny, he put it back in the bottom drawer and says, "here, let me help you tidy up the kitchen." (I really was just cutting labels off my juice bottles) I am having one of those "kind of disgusted" with myself days. These are the days I look at my physical appearance and am reminded how not good I have done on losing weight. (How was that for a horrible grammer packed sentence?) I think about my negativity toward myself and get angry. I don't know, I am just in a low spot this morning (and it is getting old). Chris would say "what can you do to not make it worse?" I have some ideas for that....not ones I will be acting on though. I somewhere believed the more days I racked u...

My mind is still weary and my body is tired from earlier today and it is difficult to focus on distinct thoughts. Instead of trying to put thoughts into words and all, I figure I will just take a seat here on my nice little park bench and look over the lake. Let it be known, there is plenty of room for anyone who might want to join me. It's quite the awesome sight, eh?

Today I am thankful for the many people who have commented and continue to comment on my TBT photo, telling me that I am still a badass. Guess I can't argue with them :) "#tbt - simply because this is one of my favorite photos of myself. when I am feeling really down, i just look at this one and remember that somewhere inside, I am still this badass."

What a good task - find a good thing out of today. Today I am thankful for the unconditional love of children, namely my nephews. When they got home from school today, Jordan crawls up on the couch next to me, using me for his footstool (it's ok, I understood the token of love there) and then Brody came over and crawled in my lap too. In between all three of us was Tess getting as much loves as she could. Yup, Blewy and her boys all snuggled together. This is what I am thankful for today, especially today.