Sitting with emotions
I have to make a confession. All through class last year, I never really understood what was meant by a "coaching call" and I did not ever bother to ask as I didn't want to look like the only one who didn't understand it. A few weeks into class I took the assumption that it meant that if you were struggling, you could call Chris or Karen and they would help you try and see a different way to view things, although in the end whatever you chose to do was your decision. As class went on and the weeks went by, I really was not going to ask at that point because I did not want to be faced with the question, "why didn't you ask sooner" or some form of it. Call it pride or willfulness or whatever, I just played along like I had it figured out. I still don't know what it actually means.
There are many times I am afraid to ask what something means. Part of it is my own battle - I should know or be able to figure it out on my own. A lot of the time I am afraid of getting a reply that makes me feel negative about myself, even if I know with a certainty the person would not make me feel that way. So most times I take a guess, I Google, I read, I research. I will spend hours trying to find an answer on my own to something that I could have just asked and found out within moments. Although I may have an answer, I am never completely sure if it is correct. I just go with it and hope that in a conversation or something what I have researched either gets validated or I am able to figure out the truth.
And now my next confession....I don't fully understand the phrase "sit with your emotions." It was a phrase used all through class, often in therapy with Chris, and even at times with Lisa. What I do understand (at least have taken my logical guess at) is that it correlates with mindfulness, awareness, and healthy behavior choices. I don't think self-harming coping behaviors parallel with sitting with your emotions.
I "get it" in the sense of some kind of definition. Ok, this is something that you do/practice where you don't run from your emotions or try to stifle them or numb them, yet you allow yourself to feel them. That has been my best guess using context, listening to discussion, and looking online.
What I have continued to find difficult in defining, is the how of it. How do you sit with your emotions? Just asking would make absolutely way too much sense and fear of "asking a dumb question" has kept me from ever inquiring although everytime I hear the phrase I just want to say "and what does that actually mean?"
I'm not easy on myself, especially now, I mean I have been through a round of DBT class, I should know how to sit with my emotions. Did I zone out that night? Surely we really did talk in some depth about this at some point. The problem is, I don't seem to know and that is quite a roadblock no matter what road I seem to be going down. Sometimes it is not that I am afraid to sit with my emotions, it is that I don't understand how to do that. On the infamous worksheets, this would be lack of knowledge on how to perform the skill.
What are you "looking for" when you sit with your emotions? What are you trying to do? Are you trying to resolve something or just identify something? What do you do at that point? Is there some kind of checklist - do this, then do this, then do this? If I give it a shot, I kind of wing it - try to sit there as still as I can until the emotion passes without doing something negative. Breathe, keep breathing, focus on something, maybe distract based on what is going on, yet just don't choose something harmful or destructive to try and get through the moment. I think that is probably more of survival versus sitting with. I have an odd feeling that is not how it is done and maybe that is why a part of me feels like I am in a rut. Then again, it is perfectly possible that I have done it and just don't realize that is what I am doing.
I did finally run across an article that talked about it (http://effervescence.me/how-to-sit-with-your-emotions/). I read the first paragraph and was like, "ME TOO!!!!!" when I saw the last sentence.
Hey Blewy, just ask. Seriously, just ask.
There are many times I am afraid to ask what something means. Part of it is my own battle - I should know or be able to figure it out on my own. A lot of the time I am afraid of getting a reply that makes me feel negative about myself, even if I know with a certainty the person would not make me feel that way. So most times I take a guess, I Google, I read, I research. I will spend hours trying to find an answer on my own to something that I could have just asked and found out within moments. Although I may have an answer, I am never completely sure if it is correct. I just go with it and hope that in a conversation or something what I have researched either gets validated or I am able to figure out the truth.
I "get it" in the sense of some kind of definition. Ok, this is something that you do/practice where you don't run from your emotions or try to stifle them or numb them, yet you allow yourself to feel them. That has been my best guess using context, listening to discussion, and looking online.
What I have continued to find difficult in defining, is the how of it. How do you sit with your emotions? Just asking would make absolutely way too much sense and fear of "asking a dumb question" has kept me from ever inquiring although everytime I hear the phrase I just want to say "and what does that actually mean?"
I'm not easy on myself, especially now, I mean I have been through a round of DBT class, I should know how to sit with my emotions. Did I zone out that night? Surely we really did talk in some depth about this at some point. The problem is, I don't seem to know and that is quite a roadblock no matter what road I seem to be going down. Sometimes it is not that I am afraid to sit with my emotions, it is that I don't understand how to do that. On the infamous worksheets, this would be lack of knowledge on how to perform the skill.
What are you "looking for" when you sit with your emotions? What are you trying to do? Are you trying to resolve something or just identify something? What do you do at that point? Is there some kind of checklist - do this, then do this, then do this? If I give it a shot, I kind of wing it - try to sit there as still as I can until the emotion passes without doing something negative. Breathe, keep breathing, focus on something, maybe distract based on what is going on, yet just don't choose something harmful or destructive to try and get through the moment. I think that is probably more of survival versus sitting with. I have an odd feeling that is not how it is done and maybe that is why a part of me feels like I am in a rut. Then again, it is perfectly possible that I have done it and just don't realize that is what I am doing.
I did finally run across an article that talked about it (http://effervescence.me/how-to-sit-with-your-emotions/). I read the first paragraph and was like, "ME TOO!!!!!" when I saw the last sentence.
I wondered for so many years what it meant to sit with your emotions. Because that’s what people would always say was the way to get through emotional eating, and all I wanted was to stop doing it. But what in the world did it mean to “sit with” your emotions?What I need to do at this point is to take a deep breath and not be afraid to ask just how all this works. Although not in my nature, I have to remember that it is ok to ask, "will you show me how" and I am not going to be struck down by lightening. I am not going to be told "go figure it out on your own" or "you're smart enough, you should know this" or similar. If I can work on getting past saying "I'm ok" because I am afraid to say how I really am (or don't know how to express it), then I can work on this too. Maybe once I get these figured out I can start to figure out how to let go of things.
Hey Blewy, just ask. Seriously, just ask.