Planning
I've been wanting to write for several days now and have kept telling myself no. I'm fighting "the crud" as my grandmother always referred to it as, and since I am on this new thing of taking care of myself, I actually went to the doc and got some medicine. Sinus infection and bronchitis. Yup, right on time for it's annual appearance.
So why no writing until now? When I am sick, I am grumpy and very opinionated. I make the "man-cold" look like a walk in the park. It has been threatened that when I get sick people will put one of those lighted marquee signs in my front lawn that says "enter at your own risk" on it. I whine, I gripe, I am annoying. I can't make up my mind if I want to be left alone or cuddled (even though cuddled is not even a plausible option). I also seem to speak my mind much more bluntly than when I am not sick. People avoid me. It is ok. I am very aware of how I am and therefore do all I can to avoid people. I know I become the spawn of Satan and therefore I just hide out until I start feeling human again. Even Ali used to go sleep in the other room when I was sick. Now, that is just sad.
Thus, I grounded myself from writing in hopes that I would not write something that I would kick myself for later. It is possibly a wise decision as I reflect on all the things I really wanted to write about. I think it would have resulted in what was referred to in class last week as "throwing gasoline on a fire." Yes, time away was the healthy choice here. Oh, worry not, I did still work through those other thoughts over the past few days, they just never made it to a medium that could come back to haunt me!
And so tonight, I am releasing myself from the time-out chair. Although still under the influence of cold medicine and prescription drugs (taken as directed) I have no clue where this will go. You think I side-bar and talk on multiple topics at once in person? Um, can't really guarantee that won't happen here. I know, I can go back and edit it all out, yet where is the fun in that. Worry not, if it is a disaster, I'm going to chalk it up as a DUI and go from there.
And so, with that, let us all stand and say, "If you fail to plan, plan to fail."
Yup, still a cheesy sounding line. It was told to us over and over again in the mission. Matter of fact, it is written at the top of several of my weekly planners from that time. How much smoother things would go if you just took time to make a plan. Always have a plan. Heck, have a few plans because in the mission most times plan A never did actually happen. Even though we made a lot of jokes about the phrase, there was just way too much truth to it.
Yes, it actually is good advice.
We've learned a lot of skills and tools in class so far. I look forward to what still lies ahead to learn. What I have enjoyed along this journey as well is how I can take what I am learning and team it with what I already know to come out with an even stronger arsenal.
A lot of the focus has been on behaviors - healthy behaviors. For example, instead of punching something, how about taking a few (or several) deep breaths and going for a walk. Distract yourself with something non-destructive.
You know, I realized something in class the other night. When an answer is "anger" or something relating to being angry, I am always the person called on. Now, this does not bother me one bit. Matter of fact, I started chuckling when I realized how often it happens. It kind of makes me feel special. Yah, anger management is not really one of my strong suits. I can own it. I guess it could have been the pros/cons exercise on punching things. Could also have something to do with sharing how I broke my kitchen counter trying to bust a piece of lumber across it because I was mad. Dude, can I just state for the record how bad that stung my hands?? Lesson learned there - get a board with the grain running the opposite direction! (Ok, ok, ok, lesson learned - find a different behavior - grin). Hey, I'm a peaceful person. Really, I am. I'm also red-headed and seem to have the stereotypical temper that goes along with that. I do have a limit. Sure, it takes quite a bit to push me beyond that limit, yet it is there. Why do you think I try to repress anger as much as I can?
Ok, what were we talking about....planning. So, how can having a plan help with behaviors? Once you have an idea of emotions that seem to come and go a lot where you struggle with behavior choices, planning can be your greatest weapon. Ah heck, since we are already on the subject, let's take anger. If I know that when I get to a certain level of anger, I react in a certain way, then I can plan ahead for my course of action. I have had to tell myself that punching things is no longer an acceptable behavior. It's off the list. No longer a choice. Great, eh?? Well, except that now if that level of emotion rolls around I am left with a void. So, make a plan, make a plan right now. Decide what is going to be my course of action if I get that angry. (Yes, I hope that the additional skills that I am learning will help me from getting to "defcon 5" yet let's be realistic, it will happen again at some point.) And this is where the phrase comes to life - if I fail to make a plan as to what I am going to do when I get that angry, I can pretty much plan to fail at my choice selection and will probably punch something.
See, cheesy yet useful.
Let's go a step further (or backwards depending on how you look at it). Can I identify what the trigger is that sets me off to be that angry? If there are multiple ones, can I identify one to start with? Let's say that getting a "nasty-gram" text message from a certain person results in the high level of anger. Although we have a plan in place to deal with the anger, can we come up with a plan on how to deal with that situation so it doesn't end up in anger? Again, make a plan. When messages from this person arrive, what do you do now? What in this can be changed? Can you make a plan on what you will do from now on? Can you adjust that plan so hopefully you don't end up having to implement the anger avoidance plan?
Again, planning saves the world....and your knuckles.
Ok, really, this works. I know it does because I have been doing it. As I am able to recognize things, I try to make a plan on how not to end up at that emotional crisis point the next time. A little more everyday example. I have social anxiety issues and realize that there are certain places I go that cause me to become anxious and, depending on how long I am in those locations, generally impacts the level of anxiety I experience. I know this. It's not even a hypothesis, it is scientific fact. I can't avoid these places, that is not a good choice either. I've been through agoraphobia and it was about as damaging as just jumping into a lake of sharks. You can't run away and you can't hide from life. Therefore, depending on the location, the plan adjusts, yet I have always have a plan. It has worked so far. Sure, it still is tough sometimes, yet I am able to keep control over it.
There has to be some patience with all this too. I am just learning/recognizing many of the triggers that throw me for a loop emotionally. Instead of my first reaction being frustration and anger (<--- yup, there it is again) with myself for not catching it, I have to tell myself, "Oh, there's one, remember that, we need to make a plan for next time" and keep moving - don't shut down. And, yes, it is life. There are going to be days when the plan just doesn't go the way you intended or falls through completely. There will be times when you thought you had a plan and realize that your plan isn't going to work no matter how much you try to implement it. It is ok, life is not perfect and neither or we. That would be why you have all those other skills from class.
And thus, here endeth the lesson.
So why no writing until now? When I am sick, I am grumpy and very opinionated. I make the "man-cold" look like a walk in the park. It has been threatened that when I get sick people will put one of those lighted marquee signs in my front lawn that says "enter at your own risk" on it. I whine, I gripe, I am annoying. I can't make up my mind if I want to be left alone or cuddled (even though cuddled is not even a plausible option). I also seem to speak my mind much more bluntly than when I am not sick. People avoid me. It is ok. I am very aware of how I am and therefore do all I can to avoid people. I know I become the spawn of Satan and therefore I just hide out until I start feeling human again. Even Ali used to go sleep in the other room when I was sick. Now, that is just sad.
Thus, I grounded myself from writing in hopes that I would not write something that I would kick myself for later. It is possibly a wise decision as I reflect on all the things I really wanted to write about. I think it would have resulted in what was referred to in class last week as "throwing gasoline on a fire." Yes, time away was the healthy choice here. Oh, worry not, I did still work through those other thoughts over the past few days, they just never made it to a medium that could come back to haunt me!
And so tonight, I am releasing myself from the time-out chair. Although still under the influence of cold medicine and prescription drugs (taken as directed) I have no clue where this will go. You think I side-bar and talk on multiple topics at once in person? Um, can't really guarantee that won't happen here. I know, I can go back and edit it all out, yet where is the fun in that. Worry not, if it is a disaster, I'm going to chalk it up as a DUI and go from there.
And so, with that, let us all stand and say, "If you fail to plan, plan to fail."
Yup, still a cheesy sounding line. It was told to us over and over again in the mission. Matter of fact, it is written at the top of several of my weekly planners from that time. How much smoother things would go if you just took time to make a plan. Always have a plan. Heck, have a few plans because in the mission most times plan A never did actually happen. Even though we made a lot of jokes about the phrase, there was just way too much truth to it.
Yes, it actually is good advice.
We've learned a lot of skills and tools in class so far. I look forward to what still lies ahead to learn. What I have enjoyed along this journey as well is how I can take what I am learning and team it with what I already know to come out with an even stronger arsenal.
A lot of the focus has been on behaviors - healthy behaviors. For example, instead of punching something, how about taking a few (or several) deep breaths and going for a walk. Distract yourself with something non-destructive.
You know, I realized something in class the other night. When an answer is "anger" or something relating to being angry, I am always the person called on. Now, this does not bother me one bit. Matter of fact, I started chuckling when I realized how often it happens. It kind of makes me feel special. Yah, anger management is not really one of my strong suits. I can own it. I guess it could have been the pros/cons exercise on punching things. Could also have something to do with sharing how I broke my kitchen counter trying to bust a piece of lumber across it because I was mad. Dude, can I just state for the record how bad that stung my hands?? Lesson learned there - get a board with the grain running the opposite direction! (Ok, ok, ok, lesson learned - find a different behavior - grin). Hey, I'm a peaceful person. Really, I am. I'm also red-headed and seem to have the stereotypical temper that goes along with that. I do have a limit. Sure, it takes quite a bit to push me beyond that limit, yet it is there. Why do you think I try to repress anger as much as I can?
Ok, what were we talking about....planning. So, how can having a plan help with behaviors? Once you have an idea of emotions that seem to come and go a lot where you struggle with behavior choices, planning can be your greatest weapon. Ah heck, since we are already on the subject, let's take anger. If I know that when I get to a certain level of anger, I react in a certain way, then I can plan ahead for my course of action. I have had to tell myself that punching things is no longer an acceptable behavior. It's off the list. No longer a choice. Great, eh?? Well, except that now if that level of emotion rolls around I am left with a void. So, make a plan, make a plan right now. Decide what is going to be my course of action if I get that angry. (Yes, I hope that the additional skills that I am learning will help me from getting to "defcon 5" yet let's be realistic, it will happen again at some point.) And this is where the phrase comes to life - if I fail to make a plan as to what I am going to do when I get that angry, I can pretty much plan to fail at my choice selection and will probably punch something.
See, cheesy yet useful.
Let's go a step further (or backwards depending on how you look at it). Can I identify what the trigger is that sets me off to be that angry? If there are multiple ones, can I identify one to start with? Let's say that getting a "nasty-gram" text message from a certain person results in the high level of anger. Although we have a plan in place to deal with the anger, can we come up with a plan on how to deal with that situation so it doesn't end up in anger? Again, make a plan. When messages from this person arrive, what do you do now? What in this can be changed? Can you make a plan on what you will do from now on? Can you adjust that plan so hopefully you don't end up having to implement the anger avoidance plan?
Again, planning saves the world....and your knuckles.
Ok, really, this works. I know it does because I have been doing it. As I am able to recognize things, I try to make a plan on how not to end up at that emotional crisis point the next time. A little more everyday example. I have social anxiety issues and realize that there are certain places I go that cause me to become anxious and, depending on how long I am in those locations, generally impacts the level of anxiety I experience. I know this. It's not even a hypothesis, it is scientific fact. I can't avoid these places, that is not a good choice either. I've been through agoraphobia and it was about as damaging as just jumping into a lake of sharks. You can't run away and you can't hide from life. Therefore, depending on the location, the plan adjusts, yet I have always have a plan. It has worked so far. Sure, it still is tough sometimes, yet I am able to keep control over it.
There has to be some patience with all this too. I am just learning/recognizing many of the triggers that throw me for a loop emotionally. Instead of my first reaction being frustration and anger (<--- yup, there it is again) with myself for not catching it, I have to tell myself, "Oh, there's one, remember that, we need to make a plan for next time" and keep moving - don't shut down. And, yes, it is life. There are going to be days when the plan just doesn't go the way you intended or falls through completely. There will be times when you thought you had a plan and realize that your plan isn't going to work no matter how much you try to implement it. It is ok, life is not perfect and neither or we. That would be why you have all those other skills from class.
And thus, here endeth the lesson.