Power
It is a powerful action to fully let go or something or take that leap of faith and change. It takes a lot of trust in yourself to release something and not immediately turn back for it. To step up and make a commitment to change is uncharted territory and scary. I talk about it a lot. Maybe now is the time to start backing up the words. It is worth a shot, eh?
Self hate.
Listen my friend, you did not create this even though you were taught how to fuel it. I know it has been the default for far too many years. There is no need for it anymore. You have put it down as your go to emotion and I applaud you with all I have.
You have a good heart and soul. You love unconditionally and would give all you have to anyone in need. You are a wonderful person. You are a leader who walks side by side, teaching by example. Know that the person looking back at you in the mirror is not horrible. You are something. The world would not be a better place without you.
I know asking you to love yourself is possibly asking a little too much at this point, yet can we settle somewhere in the middle? You have done really good not falling back to the hate so how about just letting that go?
Worthiness.
I know you got this whole concept in your head that being of worth does not equate to being worthy, so let's see if we can make some sense out of the two.
To have worth, is to have a value. So, when you say you are of worth, what you are saying is that you are of a value. You equate to something greater than nothing. It is a huge step to say and believe with conviction that you are valuable. It is also a simple statement with no real parameters. You either are or are not of [have or do not have] worth.
Then there is being worthy. I know this is where you get all freaked out and start to run. Just stop and listen. To be worthy is to be deserving. That value that you have stated you have? Being worthy is allowing yourself to be considered important enough to receive respect, praise, and yes, even love because of that value. Yes, I know, worthiness comes with all kinds of parameters.
So, let's take the scariest one of the bunch for you - love. Are you worthy of being loved? Before you go answering, think a moment of the question. Do not go inserting feelings, emotions, or memories into this. Just take the question - because you have already deemed that you are of worth, do you consider yourself valuable enough to be loved? Not whether you are or are not loved, yet do you have the right to be? This is being worthy. You are worthy. You are worthy of all the things that are out there before you. So, let's just work on this simple thought - I am worthy because I am of worth.
Guilt and Shame.
I have two events sitting on the top of this pile and you are very aware of what two they are. You have got to let these go. C'mon let's talk about them to the extent we can in this medium.
First, friendships come and go. I know, you took a big leap of faith to even reach out and kindle this one. All those years of being happy with the close friends you have, has served you fine. You knew them, they knew you. Levels of trust had been established long ago and it worked. The idea of allowing someone into your guarded little fortress has been off limits, yet you gave it a shot. And hey, it was fun, a lot of fun. You have some really great memories from it. Then, whatever the hell happened, happened and you have spent the last 4.5 months beating yourself up that you did something to screw it up.
Maybe you did. Maybe you didn't. Here is my advice, drop it. You have apologized for everything you can possibly think of. You have even apologized for stuff that you had no part in - which you really need to quit doing that. This one is out of your hands. After all this time, I am going to go on the assumption that there was more going on here than you even knew. You were a bystander hit by shrapnel from a bomb they may not even realize went off. Yes, it broke your heart and shook your trust. No, it didn't kill you, yet if you don't let go of the guilt and blame you are putting on yourself over this, it eventually will. When and if the time comes, they know where to find you. If that time never comes, you just have to accept it as the way it is.
Here is what I want you to do, the next time you see them and that deep emptiness in the pit of your gut hits, take a deep breath, say a small prayer, and hand it over to God. Just let it go, it will be ok.
As for event number two. Have you ever thought that things can come to an end not because you did something wrong, yet because you did something right? You really have to work on giving yourself some credit. I would love to go back in time and find that key event that makes you think that when something happens it is because you did something wrong. I'd love to get in their face and just bluntly say "are you happy with your results??" I sometimes wonder if they had known the impact it would have on you, would they have done different. No, I doubt they would, as they would never admit they did anything wrong to start with. Stop....deep breath.....focus......return to the present.
Take a moment and just let yourself think back. Where you were, where you are, how you got here. Who you were, who you are, how you got here. Listen to me - all things have a time and season, you know this. Remember the greatest compliment you could get in the mission? That you were not needed anymore? That you had taught them the things they needed and they were able to go forth on their own. Your presence would only hinder their progress. You not being needed was success, not failure. Now, think about what you were told last month. It was the same thing wasn't it? You did nothing wrong. You listened, you learned, you worked, you fell back sometimes, you fought, and you grew. You didn't screw something up, you did something right. Look at it for what it really is. Allow yourself to own it. There is nothing to feel guilty or be ashamed of here. Celebrate the win and use it to motivate you in this next chapter.
Trust.
I hate to tell you this, you are going to have to let your guard down a little. You can be mindful and aware and even a little hesitant, yet you can't shut everyone out. I admire your willingness to try and make it on your own, yet your lack of willingness to trust is only going to be a continued roadblock. As well, trusting from a distance is not real effective either. It's like trying to carry on a conversation with someone three isles away from you in Wal-Mart. You are going to have to go with all or nothing here.
You are smart and inspired. You know in your heart who you can trust and who you shouldn't. You've had that gift for a long time. You have allowed a few cheap shots to shut that gift down. Nobody is going to hurt you anymore. Your inner strength and worth are a part of your armor now. You are able to choose how things affect you. You always have been able to do this, and now you really are strong enough to do it.
If the invitation of "trust me" comes, don't be so quick to freeze up. Take a breath, say a prayer, listen to your heart and to heaven, then consider it. Remember, trust is the willingness to be vulnerable. You need to walk that path to keep healing, so how about letting the distance go and let them walk next to you? I think you will be glad you did. Listen, you trust me, and I trust them, so let just give it a shot, ok?
Powerlessness.
Yah, I have nothing here other than we are going to have to get a grip on this situation. I think we got a rude awakening to that this past week. Thankfully we only teetered on the line this time, yet one of these times there is not going to be someone there to pull us off the ledge and we are going to jump without thinking. No one should have so much power over a person that they cause them to willingly punish and harm themselves without a second thought. Can we agree on this?
Remember Labyrinth? What was the magic line - "You have no power over me." We have got to get this through our head somehow. Then we have to believe it, act on it, lean on it, live it, breathe it, whatever it takes. That got a little scary for my taste the other night. Since this easier said than done, I think the conclusion to start with is the awareness that there is still a big problem. Are you good with that? I am. Then this will be something to work on in the new year.
***************
With that, let's just stop and breathe a moment. Close our eyes and listen. There is a reason we listen so intently to mindfulness exercises in class. Hear the voice and just breathe in and out. Relax our jaw, relax our shoulders. Just breathe. Take as long as we need. Take as long as we want. There are no battles to fight tonight, the war is taking a night off. Let's let our mind relax for once. Let it be still. Let it be calm. We will go back to work tomorrow. For now, just relax and breathe, we have earned it.
Self hate.
Listen my friend, you did not create this even though you were taught how to fuel it. I know it has been the default for far too many years. There is no need for it anymore. You have put it down as your go to emotion and I applaud you with all I have.
You have a good heart and soul. You love unconditionally and would give all you have to anyone in need. You are a wonderful person. You are a leader who walks side by side, teaching by example. Know that the person looking back at you in the mirror is not horrible. You are something. The world would not be a better place without you.
I know asking you to love yourself is possibly asking a little too much at this point, yet can we settle somewhere in the middle? You have done really good not falling back to the hate so how about just letting that go?
Worthiness.
I know you got this whole concept in your head that being of worth does not equate to being worthy, so let's see if we can make some sense out of the two.
To have worth, is to have a value. So, when you say you are of worth, what you are saying is that you are of a value. You equate to something greater than nothing. It is a huge step to say and believe with conviction that you are valuable. It is also a simple statement with no real parameters. You either are or are not of [have or do not have] worth.
Then there is being worthy. I know this is where you get all freaked out and start to run. Just stop and listen. To be worthy is to be deserving. That value that you have stated you have? Being worthy is allowing yourself to be considered important enough to receive respect, praise, and yes, even love because of that value. Yes, I know, worthiness comes with all kinds of parameters.
So, let's take the scariest one of the bunch for you - love. Are you worthy of being loved? Before you go answering, think a moment of the question. Do not go inserting feelings, emotions, or memories into this. Just take the question - because you have already deemed that you are of worth, do you consider yourself valuable enough to be loved? Not whether you are or are not loved, yet do you have the right to be? This is being worthy. You are worthy. You are worthy of all the things that are out there before you. So, let's just work on this simple thought - I am worthy because I am of worth.
Guilt and Shame.
I have two events sitting on the top of this pile and you are very aware of what two they are. You have got to let these go. C'mon let's talk about them to the extent we can in this medium.
First, friendships come and go. I know, you took a big leap of faith to even reach out and kindle this one. All those years of being happy with the close friends you have, has served you fine. You knew them, they knew you. Levels of trust had been established long ago and it worked. The idea of allowing someone into your guarded little fortress has been off limits, yet you gave it a shot. And hey, it was fun, a lot of fun. You have some really great memories from it. Then, whatever the hell happened, happened and you have spent the last 4.5 months beating yourself up that you did something to screw it up.
Maybe you did. Maybe you didn't. Here is my advice, drop it. You have apologized for everything you can possibly think of. You have even apologized for stuff that you had no part in - which you really need to quit doing that. This one is out of your hands. After all this time, I am going to go on the assumption that there was more going on here than you even knew. You were a bystander hit by shrapnel from a bomb they may not even realize went off. Yes, it broke your heart and shook your trust. No, it didn't kill you, yet if you don't let go of the guilt and blame you are putting on yourself over this, it eventually will. When and if the time comes, they know where to find you. If that time never comes, you just have to accept it as the way it is.
Here is what I want you to do, the next time you see them and that deep emptiness in the pit of your gut hits, take a deep breath, say a small prayer, and hand it over to God. Just let it go, it will be ok.
As for event number two. Have you ever thought that things can come to an end not because you did something wrong, yet because you did something right? You really have to work on giving yourself some credit. I would love to go back in time and find that key event that makes you think that when something happens it is because you did something wrong. I'd love to get in their face and just bluntly say "are you happy with your results??" I sometimes wonder if they had known the impact it would have on you, would they have done different. No, I doubt they would, as they would never admit they did anything wrong to start with. Stop....deep breath.....focus......return to the present.
Take a moment and just let yourself think back. Where you were, where you are, how you got here. Who you were, who you are, how you got here. Listen to me - all things have a time and season, you know this. Remember the greatest compliment you could get in the mission? That you were not needed anymore? That you had taught them the things they needed and they were able to go forth on their own. Your presence would only hinder their progress. You not being needed was success, not failure. Now, think about what you were told last month. It was the same thing wasn't it? You did nothing wrong. You listened, you learned, you worked, you fell back sometimes, you fought, and you grew. You didn't screw something up, you did something right. Look at it for what it really is. Allow yourself to own it. There is nothing to feel guilty or be ashamed of here. Celebrate the win and use it to motivate you in this next chapter.
Trust.
I hate to tell you this, you are going to have to let your guard down a little. You can be mindful and aware and even a little hesitant, yet you can't shut everyone out. I admire your willingness to try and make it on your own, yet your lack of willingness to trust is only going to be a continued roadblock. As well, trusting from a distance is not real effective either. It's like trying to carry on a conversation with someone three isles away from you in Wal-Mart. You are going to have to go with all or nothing here.
You are smart and inspired. You know in your heart who you can trust and who you shouldn't. You've had that gift for a long time. You have allowed a few cheap shots to shut that gift down. Nobody is going to hurt you anymore. Your inner strength and worth are a part of your armor now. You are able to choose how things affect you. You always have been able to do this, and now you really are strong enough to do it.
If the invitation of "trust me" comes, don't be so quick to freeze up. Take a breath, say a prayer, listen to your heart and to heaven, then consider it. Remember, trust is the willingness to be vulnerable. You need to walk that path to keep healing, so how about letting the distance go and let them walk next to you? I think you will be glad you did. Listen, you trust me, and I trust them, so let just give it a shot, ok?
Powerlessness.
Yah, I have nothing here other than we are going to have to get a grip on this situation. I think we got a rude awakening to that this past week. Thankfully we only teetered on the line this time, yet one of these times there is not going to be someone there to pull us off the ledge and we are going to jump without thinking. No one should have so much power over a person that they cause them to willingly punish and harm themselves without a second thought. Can we agree on this?
Remember Labyrinth? What was the magic line - "You have no power over me." We have got to get this through our head somehow. Then we have to believe it, act on it, lean on it, live it, breathe it, whatever it takes. That got a little scary for my taste the other night. Since this easier said than done, I think the conclusion to start with is the awareness that there is still a big problem. Are you good with that? I am. Then this will be something to work on in the new year.
***************
With that, let's just stop and breathe a moment. Close our eyes and listen. There is a reason we listen so intently to mindfulness exercises in class. Hear the voice and just breathe in and out. Relax our jaw, relax our shoulders. Just breathe. Take as long as we need. Take as long as we want. There are no battles to fight tonight, the war is taking a night off. Let's let our mind relax for once. Let it be still. Let it be calm. We will go back to work tomorrow. For now, just relax and breathe, we have earned it.