Welcome back

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I make it home safely. The coming home anxiety started in last night. I knew it would, it has become an anticipated thing. I guess that makes it a little better when it happens, as I am not caught off guard.

I laid in bed last night just thinking about things back here. I got to wondering how I could take that calmness and peacefulness I was feeling there and bring it back here. What is it here that has me on edge that I didn't have there. What did I leave behind when I got on that plane Sunday. What was I coming back to that set off my anxiety on the plane coming home? Something else to toss into the "I don't even know where to start to figure out this question" pile. That dang pile is getting huge.

Along with it came the strong impression about something (which I don't care to share right now) and I just took a deep breath and said to myself, "Yah, I know." And it came around again, worded a little different, and once again I answered, "I know." Then the thought came, "and how are you going to deal with that?" All I had for a reply was simply, "I will be ok."

I will be ok, which anymore seems to actually mean, "it's most likely going to suck and yet it isn't going to kill me." See, I have officially defined it. The world can be proud.

Can you tell I am tired? Along with all the other things these past few days, I have done something else that I have not done for a long time - gone non-stop. I hope this doesn't come back to haunt me in a few days!

It sure was fun and enjoyable. It was relaxing. We got a lot of planning done at the meeting and I have a solid to-do list for these next few weeks and through the summer. I laughed like I have not laughed for a long time. I was surrounded by colleagues whose intelligence and education make me look like a grade school drop out, yet they accept me as an equal peer and call me their friend. They are mine as well. We really are kind of a "land of misfit toys" kind of group, yet we do some amazing things.

Yes, it was good, yet now it is time to come back to reality and keep taking on the day to day task of just living. I do believe the first thing on that list is a hot shower and early to bed.

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