Waiting it out

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Intimidation is an odd creature. It is my guess that it can be good just as much as we attribute it to being something bad.

Just with all feelings and emotions, I am never going to be able and avoid being intimidated, it is going to happen.  I will feel inferior, I will feel as if I have nothing to offer, I will feel like I do not measure up to others. That is ok, I cannot always make a difference, even as much as I really want to. That, dear ones, is just life.

The key comes down to how I want to deal with it. Do I just accept it and go on (all hail radical acceptance) or do I let it get to me and make me step backwards. It is a choice that has to be made each time, some times over and over in one instance.

Lisa and I were slated to have a big discussion about the feeling of needing to belong or fit in. It never happened. That was this time last year.

I often wonder what she would have said, how she would have explained it. Would she have been able to answer why I long to fit in or belong. Why I am always putting up this "happily independent" front while just wanting to be part of the tribe. There has to be a place in the world where I fit in, and I would guess that I should just let that go. I am sure it is just a part of myself screaming out for attention.

My mind is a little all over the place this evening. Only made it a little over a half hour at Stonehenge. If I am going to keep doing that I really need to wear jeans and bring my leather jacket. Hard to sit and ponder when you are freezing your ass off.

I am sad this evening. Maybe I should say that I feel sad. I feel it and yet I am not sure if I really am or not. I am not bouncing off the walls excited. I am just kind of existing. Yah, a little all over the place. I am getting better at managing this space though. Not having a shutdown and inability to function, just riding it out until I can drive home.

I slightly chuckle, sometimes I just don't know what to do with myself. It is ok, no one else really has figured it out yet either.

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