I will join you
Hey guiding one.
I would love to come and sit down with you. Thank you for offering.
I think I am hanging in there pretty good. Not having any desires to give up or give in anytime soon. As always, medication adjustment is quite the ride, this one just seems to have a little more excitement to it.
I think I am ok with what is happening right now. It is hard to describe because it is so different. It is not like I have a pain, take pain medicine, and pain is gone. Once again, it is like seeing life a completely different way. My very interaction with things is different. I am not trying to listen above my loud mind or focus through a bunch of busy distractions. It is wonderful and scary all at the same time. I hesitate to really rejoice in it for the fear it might not last.
Evenings are difficult. My guess is that with the extra dose of being tired and exhausted, my poor PLEASE master gets a huge kick in the shins. I just have to remember that there does seem to be a pattern and I can just plan ahead as to how to cope with it.
I have moments where I don't feel I am ok, yet I know I am. It has been that I just "don't feel right" and that is frustrating as I have a hard time explaining what that really means. I know it will get better and I know it will take a couple weeks, so I don't always feel like I have a right to express it. And yes, I do struggle with admitting and just letting myself not be ok. Those "just suck it up and get over it" thoughts still carry a lot of weight and easily catch me off guard.
Yah, I did run to the corner. I couldn't get myself shoved any smaller in it, yet I sure was trying. I just got scared and it was easier to run and hide than to ask for help - yes, because I thought I would be being a bother. As well, I have been feeling very emotional with the medication addition. I constantly feel like I just want to cry. This is fine....if I could just cry! It is almost like a cruel joke. I guess hiding in the corner was my way of avoiding everyone and guaranteeing no one had to deal with me. Yah I know, there are people out there who wouldn't see it that way, yet I wasn't in a place to take that chance. I think I am ok with getting out of here and I would love for you to come walk out with me. Will you put your arm around me or on my shoulder as we walk so I am not so afraid?
I am not sure if I believe in myself right now. For some things I do, for others I start doubting myself. It is like after we got through the abuse stuff and I felt lost and not sure of things, especially where I was and all of that. I know where I am, yet the surroundings have changed, and that is throwing me off. It is wonderful and unsettling all at the same time. I find myself wondering if it real or just a moment in time. I am not as good at that leaning on others as I want to let on, yet I will try to do better at it. Thank you for allowing me.
I struggle because I want to talk about how I am feeling and things like that. I feel like if I can just talk it out, I can get a better grip on it. I am just afraid of becoming one of those "great, here we go again...." people. I don't want to be an annoyance to anyone. Again, fighting the "shut up and deal with it" thoughts. If I do speak it is generally followed by the mental "duck and cover" in case negativity comes back from it. I feel like I have gone backwards instead of forward with this one. I'm still a little thrown off by the email thing and just want to be careful not to cause any more trouble.
I will try to go and look around. Again, kind of scary. Will you walk around with me a little? Is it ok if I share the things I see and experience? Although the quiet is nice, I don't think I am ready to be the only one here.
Snuggling close and closing my eyes. Hang onto me tight, ok?
I would love to come and sit down with you. Thank you for offering.
I think I am hanging in there pretty good. Not having any desires to give up or give in anytime soon. As always, medication adjustment is quite the ride, this one just seems to have a little more excitement to it.
I think I am ok with what is happening right now. It is hard to describe because it is so different. It is not like I have a pain, take pain medicine, and pain is gone. Once again, it is like seeing life a completely different way. My very interaction with things is different. I am not trying to listen above my loud mind or focus through a bunch of busy distractions. It is wonderful and scary all at the same time. I hesitate to really rejoice in it for the fear it might not last.
Evenings are difficult. My guess is that with the extra dose of being tired and exhausted, my poor PLEASE master gets a huge kick in the shins. I just have to remember that there does seem to be a pattern and I can just plan ahead as to how to cope with it.
I have moments where I don't feel I am ok, yet I know I am. It has been that I just "don't feel right" and that is frustrating as I have a hard time explaining what that really means. I know it will get better and I know it will take a couple weeks, so I don't always feel like I have a right to express it. And yes, I do struggle with admitting and just letting myself not be ok. Those "just suck it up and get over it" thoughts still carry a lot of weight and easily catch me off guard.
Yah, I did run to the corner. I couldn't get myself shoved any smaller in it, yet I sure was trying. I just got scared and it was easier to run and hide than to ask for help - yes, because I thought I would be being a bother. As well, I have been feeling very emotional with the medication addition. I constantly feel like I just want to cry. This is fine....if I could just cry! It is almost like a cruel joke. I guess hiding in the corner was my way of avoiding everyone and guaranteeing no one had to deal with me. Yah I know, there are people out there who wouldn't see it that way, yet I wasn't in a place to take that chance. I think I am ok with getting out of here and I would love for you to come walk out with me. Will you put your arm around me or on my shoulder as we walk so I am not so afraid?
I am not sure if I believe in myself right now. For some things I do, for others I start doubting myself. It is like after we got through the abuse stuff and I felt lost and not sure of things, especially where I was and all of that. I know where I am, yet the surroundings have changed, and that is throwing me off. It is wonderful and unsettling all at the same time. I find myself wondering if it real or just a moment in time. I am not as good at that leaning on others as I want to let on, yet I will try to do better at it. Thank you for allowing me.
I struggle because I want to talk about how I am feeling and things like that. I feel like if I can just talk it out, I can get a better grip on it. I am just afraid of becoming one of those "great, here we go again...." people. I don't want to be an annoyance to anyone. Again, fighting the "shut up and deal with it" thoughts. If I do speak it is generally followed by the mental "duck and cover" in case negativity comes back from it. I feel like I have gone backwards instead of forward with this one. I'm still a little thrown off by the email thing and just want to be careful not to cause any more trouble.
I will try to go and look around. Again, kind of scary. Will you walk around with me a little? Is it ok if I share the things I see and experience? Although the quiet is nice, I don't think I am ready to be the only one here.
Snuggling close and closing my eyes. Hang onto me tight, ok?