Championship game
I may have finally met my match in class. I get why they teach things in the order they do. It is my guess that when you get to this point, if you don't have some grasp on the other sections, you might just duck and cover and run for your life. Then again, even if you do have a little grasp on the rest, you might still want to pack up and bolt. Breathe, Blewy, just keep breathing.
It is like reaching that championship game after a tough playoff series. A part of you is excited that you made it this far, impressed with the effort you have given. There's that pride of making it this far as the road was not the easiest and there were many moments where you thought all was lost, and in the end you pulled it off.
Then the fear sets in - you have been the underdog through all of this and now you are meeting up with the top seed and the odds may or may not be in your favor. This will be your toughest round if for no other reason, because you will have to admit that you really do have it in yourself to win.
This one isn't about luck. It is about heart, it is about looking at yourself in the mirror and honestly believing you have it in you to do this. All the saying, all the mantras, were they just words or are they power.
For our little pup in the last post who finally got the courage up to go sit and eat his cookie next to the person offering it, now he has been told, "now I'm going to show you how you can ask for a cookie anytime you want one." The assumed response of the pup may be excitement, a cookie anytime he wants!! The truth is, the first thought, while slowly moving backwards is, "I don't need a cookie that bad." The idea of it all stirs up some feeling, emotion, or memory from his past and suddenly cookies are just not as appealing as they used to be, especially if he has to ask for them. The whole concept spooks him.
I guess you could compare last night to warm-ups. Anyone who has played in a championship game knows that the last thing you really do in warm-up is warm up. That is when you get a moment to size up the competition. What can you learn about them in just that small amount of time. You have to be careful though, psychologically, games can be won or lost at this very moment. As a coach you prepare you team for this, and as an athlete, you ignore the coach.
Information and action. That is what it comes down to. Information - not that scary. So we learned about the situations for Interpersonal Effectiveness: attending to relationships, balancing priorities and demands, balancing the wants to should's, and building mastery and self-respect. I'm still a little fuzzy on a bit of it. I will use my time before next class to try and figure it out better. Afraid to ask for help about the section on asking for help. Yes, this is my life, I can't make up stuff better than reality.
We went over goals, which were pretty explanatory. It makes sense on the rational side which makes my little logical brain a happy little camper while on the emotional side, it's pretty much a meltdown. You see, at the end of the day, it would seem that to make all this work, one will have to accept that they are deserving (of a certain outcome, of a role in a relationship, of having self-respect and worth). That is a big step to take.
I have an all-or-nothing issue. If I truly stand up and say I am deserving, then I am deserving from today and everyday forward. It is not a day to day concept or when I feel it/don't feel it. No, it's all or nothing. Even when I struggled that small time with expressing I was of worth, I knew in my heart I was still. You see, when I stood up and took ownership of that last fall, it was mine. It wasn't today I am of worth, tomorrow I am not. Sure tomorrow I may struggle to feel it, though it does not mean I don't believe that I am of worth. All or nothing.
You don't get to all-or-nothing without giving up things. Getting healthy comes with sacrifices and letting go. And with that we have the big long page of IE myths. The page that makes me go, "you know, can't really say I liked cookies to begin with" while slowly moving backwards toward the door. The homework is simple and we have had this before. A statement (myth) is given and you write a challenge to it.
I will do the homework. It will not be easy, it will give me a headache, I will have anxiety issues, and I will probably get up and walk away from it at least ten times before finishing. I will fight with my feelings and emotions. I will most likely cuss a lot. Although I will try to be aware of it, I am guessing a lot of self-judgement is going to happen. One might say this is the pre-game exhibition between rational and emotional mind.
It is not that it is hard in the sense of the task. Read the statement, write a response. Simple. The thing is, myths or not, many of these have been all I have known throughout my life. Even unhealthy thinking, it has been the process that has kept me going at one time or another. Some may be keeping me going at this very moment. Once I challenge them, they no longer are valid. I can't use them anymore. My security blanket will be taken away and there I will be, vulnerable as hell as I haven't learned enough to either replace the blanket or realize I don't need one anymore. Again, all-or-nothing. Once that pen hits the paper, that option is off the table forever.
So, here we are, in the championship game. The whole outcome sits in my hands. The game hasn't even started and I am harboring fear. That is an awfully big opponent I am about to face and I have not been able to find enough information to scout them out as well as I would have liked before getting to this point.
What I need to remember is, even though I haven't faced this opponent before, I have been in championship games. And I have won.
It is like reaching that championship game after a tough playoff series. A part of you is excited that you made it this far, impressed with the effort you have given. There's that pride of making it this far as the road was not the easiest and there were many moments where you thought all was lost, and in the end you pulled it off.
This one isn't about luck. It is about heart, it is about looking at yourself in the mirror and honestly believing you have it in you to do this. All the saying, all the mantras, were they just words or are they power.
For our little pup in the last post who finally got the courage up to go sit and eat his cookie next to the person offering it, now he has been told, "now I'm going to show you how you can ask for a cookie anytime you want one." The assumed response of the pup may be excitement, a cookie anytime he wants!! The truth is, the first thought, while slowly moving backwards is, "I don't need a cookie that bad." The idea of it all stirs up some feeling, emotion, or memory from his past and suddenly cookies are just not as appealing as they used to be, especially if he has to ask for them. The whole concept spooks him.
I guess you could compare last night to warm-ups. Anyone who has played in a championship game knows that the last thing you really do in warm-up is warm up. That is when you get a moment to size up the competition. What can you learn about them in just that small amount of time. You have to be careful though, psychologically, games can be won or lost at this very moment. As a coach you prepare you team for this, and as an athlete, you ignore the coach.
Information and action. That is what it comes down to. Information - not that scary. So we learned about the situations for Interpersonal Effectiveness: attending to relationships, balancing priorities and demands, balancing the wants to should's, and building mastery and self-respect. I'm still a little fuzzy on a bit of it. I will use my time before next class to try and figure it out better. Afraid to ask for help about the section on asking for help. Yes, this is my life, I can't make up stuff better than reality.
We went over goals, which were pretty explanatory. It makes sense on the rational side which makes my little logical brain a happy little camper while on the emotional side, it's pretty much a meltdown. You see, at the end of the day, it would seem that to make all this work, one will have to accept that they are deserving (of a certain outcome, of a role in a relationship, of having self-respect and worth). That is a big step to take.
I have an all-or-nothing issue. If I truly stand up and say I am deserving, then I am deserving from today and everyday forward. It is not a day to day concept or when I feel it/don't feel it. No, it's all or nothing. Even when I struggled that small time with expressing I was of worth, I knew in my heart I was still. You see, when I stood up and took ownership of that last fall, it was mine. It wasn't today I am of worth, tomorrow I am not. Sure tomorrow I may struggle to feel it, though it does not mean I don't believe that I am of worth. All or nothing.
You don't get to all-or-nothing without giving up things. Getting healthy comes with sacrifices and letting go. And with that we have the big long page of IE myths. The page that makes me go, "you know, can't really say I liked cookies to begin with" while slowly moving backwards toward the door. The homework is simple and we have had this before. A statement (myth) is given and you write a challenge to it.
It is not that it is hard in the sense of the task. Read the statement, write a response. Simple. The thing is, myths or not, many of these have been all I have known throughout my life. Even unhealthy thinking, it has been the process that has kept me going at one time or another. Some may be keeping me going at this very moment. Once I challenge them, they no longer are valid. I can't use them anymore. My security blanket will be taken away and there I will be, vulnerable as hell as I haven't learned enough to either replace the blanket or realize I don't need one anymore. Again, all-or-nothing. Once that pen hits the paper, that option is off the table forever.
So, here we are, in the championship game. The whole outcome sits in my hands. The game hasn't even started and I am harboring fear. That is an awfully big opponent I am about to face and I have not been able to find enough information to scout them out as well as I would have liked before getting to this point.
What I need to remember is, even though I haven't faced this opponent before, I have been in championship games. And I have won.