Choice of words

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There is a scene in Fried Green Tomatoes where Idgy and Ruth are out for the day and Idgy gathers fresh honey from a comb among several bees. When she returns to Ruth with the honey, Ruth has this horrified look on her face. In the exchange that follows, appearing confused, Idgy asks, "is that bad, what I did?"

As I seem to be in this mode of reflecting I have realized that this scenario of questioning my actions has played out quite a bit as I have gone through class and learned so many new things and different ways to view old things. Generally, it is in conversations and I am talking about how I handle an emotion or situation or my reasoning for doing such and I will get these expressions from people that makes me reply, "what? was that wrong?" Now, I have never been told I am a Bee Charmer although I have been told, "Dude, that is (or you are) messed up." Now there is some supportive and affirming language, although better than the non-verbal expressions that you have to try and put your own definition to. Even without the replies, you do still find yourself thinking and evaluating situations.

The past many months has included so much change. Emotions, behaviors, thought patterns, even how I just simply look at myself and the world. It has been a scary, exciting, and sometimes frustrating path (sometimes all at once) and it has been worth every step. This morning I got to thinking about the many times I wondered if what I was doing was "wrong," and I started to think about just what that word in itself conveys. Through the years I have developed the habit of word association very well. Whether logical or not, in my brain, if I associate "wrong" with something it very quickly connects to wrong = bad = guilt = punishment. And sadly, it simply became "did something wrong, must be punished" without thought if it was even wrong to begin with.

Once again I realize that among all the other aspects to change, sometimes just changing vocabulary can be powerful in itself. I have tried this here and there and have seen some great outcomes from it. It is also suggested me on a regular basis as a way to maybe look at things differently (ie, beat vs. manage). Of course there is a willful/willingness aspect to this. Changing the word alone is a great first step, yet if you are calling it something else and still letting your mental pattern stay on the route as the old word, then you are not really getting anywhere.

I have found that sometimes you just can't come up with a different word. Either you can't think of a good one, or you really just don't know one. I don't think you fail at that point as much as seeing if you can become aware of how you interpret, define, and connect the word. Can you change the habitual path that word takes? Where would you like the thoughts/feelings that word conveys to end up? How can you get it there? For our subject above, how can I get from defining "wrong = punish" to "wrong = something healthier"?

With a brain like mine that constantly thinks and analyzes, you can guarantee that there is always homework, there are always opportunities to practice, there is always choice to change. Today it is just working a little overtime....and no, a working brain, even like mine, is not "wrong".

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