Surf's up
In my book, there is a concept called "Urge Surfing" that is discussed. As with all things so far in there, it makes perfect sense. You know, they should just change the name of DBT to "common sense training" as it seems that is pretty much what it is. I can't count the number of times I learned something in class and thought, "well, that just makes too much sense." The down side is that you then start beating yourself up for not knowing it in the first place.
What is an urge? Basically a desire to do something. Where we start to get into trouble is when that urge builds to a point where we then go into a mindset of "must do urge or it will never go away." See the danger here already? Now, some urges need to be tended to. That 3 am woke-up-from-dead-sleep-have-to-pee urge? Yah, that one is not going to go away until you drag yourself down the hall and tend to it.
Urges come and go, like waves in an ocean. They come, they build power and strength, yet they will die down. The book notes that by understanding this, one can mindfully recognize an urge, accept that it is there, and know it will leave. Instead of giving into the urge, one can choose a healthier alternative to soothe the moment.
It goes on to note that when we are in emotional distress, our ability to urge surf may be much harder. I have concluded that when we are in emotional distress, everything is much harder. Again, going back to being mindful, of course it would be harder because your focus is not fully in the moment. Where you are emotionally is not where you are. So much easier said than done.
The book even gives "step-by-step" how to for urge surfing. I would say that these are the things we learned in emotional regulation.
I think it was the first few lines of the second paragraph that grabbed me:
Before you click away, no, I'm not going to tell you that you shouldn't self-injure. I'm just asking you to wait with me a short while before making that decision. Just a few minutes and then you're free to do whatever you need. How are you feeling right now?
I think I may have cracked a small smile and even taken a deep breath as I said to myself, "who does that sound like?" and so I kept reading. The next section brought up urge surfing (after it has posed the question, "How is your breathing?") and I felt a little impressed that I actually knew what it was. I stayed with it and read through the whole page. I was still in a bad place, yet it was not as intense as it had been and those few moments to stop and breathe and try to focus on one thing may have kept me from doing something to myself while at work.
Sometimes the emotional distress gets so keyed up that I feel like I can't get control. It is like grasping for something and being just out of reach. It looks like you are going to get it, and yet it is only an illusion - you are still too far away. Along with the racing thoughts and attempts to slow down and focus, that one desire is there - to make it stop. Then a part of you stands up, exclaims "ENOUGH!" and makes it stop.
The problem is that, for me, I have not figured out how to get that part to choose something healthy by default. For several months now I have managed to step in, and tell that part of me to sit back down, yet I didn't have it in me yesterday and it just about took a bad turn. Thankfully, God stepped in and told that dark part of me to sit down and shut up, thus allowing me to come back to some sense of reality and the moment.
I have worked hard today to stay positive, to believe in good things, to believe in the good that is in me (or so they say there is). I had several hurdles thrown out in front of me to try and derail that thought and I have jumped them without too many problems. There may have been a few I caught with my foot and tipped and I was still able to get over them.
Tomorrow is a new day and another chance to work on believing. I go back to the office tomorrow. Not going to lie, it was nice to kind of hide out from the world today. I guess that is ok as long as it doesn't become habit.
Things are going to be ok.
What is an urge? Basically a desire to do something. Where we start to get into trouble is when that urge builds to a point where we then go into a mindset of "must do urge or it will never go away." See the danger here already? Now, some urges need to be tended to. That 3 am woke-up-from-dead-sleep-have-to-pee urge? Yah, that one is not going to go away until you drag yourself down the hall and tend to it.
Urges come and go, like waves in an ocean. They come, they build power and strength, yet they will die down. The book notes that by understanding this, one can mindfully recognize an urge, accept that it is there, and know it will leave. Instead of giving into the urge, one can choose a healthier alternative to soothe the moment.
It goes on to note that when we are in emotional distress, our ability to urge surf may be much harder. I have concluded that when we are in emotional distress, everything is much harder. Again, going back to being mindful, of course it would be harder because your focus is not fully in the moment. Where you are emotionally is not where you are. So much easier said than done.
The book even gives "step-by-step" how to for urge surfing. I would say that these are the things we learned in emotional regulation.
- Kick ourselves out of autopilot - get your mind to slow down. Breathe, notice your surroundings, notice your thoughts. Turn the speed down on things.
- Step back and observe the urge. Yes, the book says it - non-judgmentally. Try to rate the urge on a 1-10 scale.
- Regroup and refocus. Think to yourself, if you give in, what may be the consequences? How will you feel afterwards? How would you feel if you just let it come and go without doing the urge?
- Make a choice. With the information you have, what are you going to consciously do? Are you willing to choose to ride it out, even though it might be uncomfortable? Are you willing to wait it out just a little longer to see how goes?
I think it was the first few lines of the second paragraph that grabbed me:
Before you click away, no, I'm not going to tell you that you shouldn't self-injure. I'm just asking you to wait with me a short while before making that decision. Just a few minutes and then you're free to do whatever you need. How are you feeling right now?
I think I may have cracked a small smile and even taken a deep breath as I said to myself, "who does that sound like?" and so I kept reading. The next section brought up urge surfing (after it has posed the question, "How is your breathing?") and I felt a little impressed that I actually knew what it was. I stayed with it and read through the whole page. I was still in a bad place, yet it was not as intense as it had been and those few moments to stop and breathe and try to focus on one thing may have kept me from doing something to myself while at work.
Sometimes the emotional distress gets so keyed up that I feel like I can't get control. It is like grasping for something and being just out of reach. It looks like you are going to get it, and yet it is only an illusion - you are still too far away. Along with the racing thoughts and attempts to slow down and focus, that one desire is there - to make it stop. Then a part of you stands up, exclaims "ENOUGH!" and makes it stop.
The problem is that, for me, I have not figured out how to get that part to choose something healthy by default. For several months now I have managed to step in, and tell that part of me to sit back down, yet I didn't have it in me yesterday and it just about took a bad turn. Thankfully, God stepped in and told that dark part of me to sit down and shut up, thus allowing me to come back to some sense of reality and the moment.
I have worked hard today to stay positive, to believe in good things, to believe in the good that is in me (or so they say there is). I had several hurdles thrown out in front of me to try and derail that thought and I have jumped them without too many problems. There may have been a few I caught with my foot and tipped and I was still able to get over them.
Tomorrow is a new day and another chance to work on believing. I go back to the office tomorrow. Not going to lie, it was nice to kind of hide out from the world today. I guess that is ok as long as it doesn't become habit.
Things are going to be ok.