Leaving the cave
In the Allegory of the Cave by Plato, Socrates talks about a group of people who are chained to a wall of a cave and face only a blank wall. They have been chained here their full lives and are unable to look anywhere except the wall. What they see are shadows of things projected from a fire behind them, and as time goes on they start to put words to the things they see. For example, if the shadow of a tree is projected on the wall, they may label it "tree", associating the term with the shadow, not the physical item (as they do not know the physical item exists). As time goes on, they give names to all the things that they see (except they only see the shadows, never the real thing).
Socrates goes on to explain that a philosopher is like one of the people who is freed and allowed to turn away from the wall and come in contact with the items that cast the shadows. It takes a while, yet the person begins to understand the connection and relationship between the items, the fire, and the shadows. He starts to understand that the "reality" he came to know from labeling the shadows was not actual reality. Although willing to accept this point as reality, he is expelled from the cave into the vast world. The view is so overwhelming that he focuses on what he know, the shadows, then soon the reflections, and eventually the real objects. He starts to develop a relationship with true reality. The farther he gets out of the cave, the more he learns, interprets, and understands.
My shadows are the memories, thoughts, feelings, and emotions associated with abuse. Through the years I labeled the reflections, as I never had the experience of seeing what they really were. When I was able to turn and see what was casting the shadows, some of it became understandable, some of it just became more confusing, yet it seemed to be the place where I settled. Now I have to leave the cave. It is time to step out into the sun and start to see the larger relationship of things. Just as the man had to forced out of the cave, it has taken some coaxing to get me to start that direction.
I'm afraid. As I am encouraged to write, I am scared. I don't want to relive it - even it if just the memories and feelings - again. I don't want to see and feel the pain and fear more than the times it comes around now. I do not want to go there and I know I have to. Just as I am afraid of the dark things, I fear the moments that were not dark as well. What I thought were good moments then, I know were not really so. They were moments of control and manipulation, and I was the innocent victim. I was a victim of good and bad. No wonder I have a hard time with thoughts and emotions, when you realize you cannot trust what you perceive as good things, then what is there to trust in? When you thought it was good and it was not, you start not trusting in your own decisions, not trusting in yourself.
In a few hours, I start writing. I don't know where I will start or where I will end, yet I know I have to do it. It is going to be uncomfortable, it is going to be scary, it is going to hurt, and I am the only one who can do it. No one can help me understand what I see until I tell them what I see. I can only pray for strength and comfort. I have to remember I am stronger than the fear. I have to remember that this was in the past, it is not happening again, even if it starts to feel like it. I have already lived through this, no one is going to hurt me now, and I can't let me hurt myself either.
If I want to fully heal, I have to be able to turn away from the shadows on the wall, see the things that were projecting them, then be willing to leave the cave and see things differently.
Socrates goes on to explain that a philosopher is like one of the people who is freed and allowed to turn away from the wall and come in contact with the items that cast the shadows. It takes a while, yet the person begins to understand the connection and relationship between the items, the fire, and the shadows. He starts to understand that the "reality" he came to know from labeling the shadows was not actual reality. Although willing to accept this point as reality, he is expelled from the cave into the vast world. The view is so overwhelming that he focuses on what he know, the shadows, then soon the reflections, and eventually the real objects. He starts to develop a relationship with true reality. The farther he gets out of the cave, the more he learns, interprets, and understands.
My shadows are the memories, thoughts, feelings, and emotions associated with abuse. Through the years I labeled the reflections, as I never had the experience of seeing what they really were. When I was able to turn and see what was casting the shadows, some of it became understandable, some of it just became more confusing, yet it seemed to be the place where I settled. Now I have to leave the cave. It is time to step out into the sun and start to see the larger relationship of things. Just as the man had to forced out of the cave, it has taken some coaxing to get me to start that direction.
I'm afraid. As I am encouraged to write, I am scared. I don't want to relive it - even it if just the memories and feelings - again. I don't want to see and feel the pain and fear more than the times it comes around now. I do not want to go there and I know I have to. Just as I am afraid of the dark things, I fear the moments that were not dark as well. What I thought were good moments then, I know were not really so. They were moments of control and manipulation, and I was the innocent victim. I was a victim of good and bad. No wonder I have a hard time with thoughts and emotions, when you realize you cannot trust what you perceive as good things, then what is there to trust in? When you thought it was good and it was not, you start not trusting in your own decisions, not trusting in yourself.
In a few hours, I start writing. I don't know where I will start or where I will end, yet I know I have to do it. It is going to be uncomfortable, it is going to be scary, it is going to hurt, and I am the only one who can do it. No one can help me understand what I see until I tell them what I see. I can only pray for strength and comfort. I have to remember I am stronger than the fear. I have to remember that this was in the past, it is not happening again, even if it starts to feel like it. I have already lived through this, no one is going to hurt me now, and I can't let me hurt myself either.
If I want to fully heal, I have to be able to turn away from the shadows on the wall, see the things that were projecting them, then be willing to leave the cave and see things differently.