Big red cups
A couple weeks ago I did the whole "I'm not going to write anymore" thing which managed to last for about 4 days until my poor brain thought it was going to explode. When I sat down to write again I started out my post describing a certain situation. While writing, the missionaries came over for dinner and a visit. I was sharing with them what I was writing and how my mind was trying to explain something. I then thought, why not see if we can get the words to translate into reality. They were game for the experiment and the "cups" lesson was born.
Each person involved gets 10 "red solo cups" and the task is "build a pyramid (4, 3, 2, 1)" with the cups. The pyramid has to be built on their extended arm. They cannot set the cups on anything nor can they lean them on anything. Encourage them to be aware of their thoughts while doing it - is it easy, hard, frustrating, fun, etc. Take 5 minutes or so to do this. Some may do it, yet most probably won't be able to. Let them try a few times. Then, ask them do the same task - build a pyramid - yet this time they can use the table, floor, or other surface. Ask them about the difference doing it each time.
The point of the task is this - sometimes it is not the task that it impossible (or difficult), it is how we choose to do it. Many times we are quick to say "I can't" when in actuality we can if we just try a different way.
It also works the opposite way, which is where I was. I was doing great using my writing as a way to work out thoughts and feelings. When I decided I would not write anymore, that I could do the same thing in my mind, I was going from building the pyramid on a hard surface to trying to build it on my arm. The task had not changed - working through thoughts and feelings - yet how I chose to do it did.
This little lesson has taken on a life of its own within the mission. I get emails once in a while that the Elders and Sisters had done it with new companions, investigators, and members. I just smile a little bit. Apparently the yard stick lesson is running a close second, although plastic cups are easier to come by most times.
As class starts to wind down into the final weeks, we are all leading a mindfulness exercise each week. Tonight was my turn, and I did the cups. It was received very well and I enjoyed the feedback. It is really neat to hear how people perceive the exercise. As well, I really do miss being a teacher/instructor and for a brief moment, I got to be that. It was a little confidence booster, I did good and it was fun. I'm excited to see what everyone else does.
I'm doing good. I really am. Things are coming together and making sense. Somewhere over this past week, I found something - a renewal, a strength, a deep breath. I woke up this morning and life just "looked" different. Not sure how to describe that really, for once it was not as overwhelming. There is suddenly meaning, strong meaning, behind the words - I'm going to make it. I've got this. I can fix this. I am fixing this.
About a week and half ago I started tagging "and I am safe" on the end of my phrases. Whether it was "I'm ok" or "I can beat this" or "I am of worth" I added the additional phrase. I even said it many times just on its own. I think it made a huge difference. There is a great power in being safe. You can be ok and not be safe. You can be a lot of positive things and not be...or feel safe. I don't know really why I decided to do it, other than I kept running into some fear issues that I wasn't really sure where they were coming from and I got tired of being caught off guard. I quickly learned that when anxiety or fear tried to come on, just simply telling myself I was safe would deter it. Amazing, isn't it? Of course, it only works if you believe it. So I am keeping it as part of those many daily moments I remind myself that it's going to be just fine. There is a calmness that comes from knowing you are safe....from the world and from yourself.
So I came back with a different view of things. I have started putting my physical world back together. I was telling Jordan this morning of all the project we have lined up for through the summer. He looked at me and said, "Is this because you got a new fridge?" I just laughed and said no, it was decided on the way home from Arkansas. (Of course, the new fridge is a nice start!) I am making it my goal to do something each day. It is not about how much or how big, just something. It will eventually get done as long as I just keep moving forward.
Seems there is a pretty good grasp on the emotional and physical, which just leaves the spiritual. My testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel remains strong. I still struggle though. Still so many conflicts between what I feel and what I know - the rational and emotional. I committed to work on wise-mind this week, maybe this a good one to apply it to. I will be back to church this Sunday, skipping is over. Every missionary I saw this past week called me out on skipping (they know me way too well) or trying to skip. They all committed me to getting my tail back to church. And since I can't tell them no (and because I know I need to be there to keep healing) I will go. Plus, I really do like church. The peace with all this will come too.
And so I walk a little taller, smile a little bigger, laugh a little louder. It is going to be ok...I have finally gotten to a point where I not only think it, I know it.
Faith has become perfect knowledge.
Each person involved gets 10 "red solo cups" and the task is "build a pyramid (4, 3, 2, 1)" with the cups. The pyramid has to be built on their extended arm. They cannot set the cups on anything nor can they lean them on anything. Encourage them to be aware of their thoughts while doing it - is it easy, hard, frustrating, fun, etc. Take 5 minutes or so to do this. Some may do it, yet most probably won't be able to. Let them try a few times. Then, ask them do the same task - build a pyramid - yet this time they can use the table, floor, or other surface. Ask them about the difference doing it each time.
The point of the task is this - sometimes it is not the task that it impossible (or difficult), it is how we choose to do it. Many times we are quick to say "I can't" when in actuality we can if we just try a different way.
It also works the opposite way, which is where I was. I was doing great using my writing as a way to work out thoughts and feelings. When I decided I would not write anymore, that I could do the same thing in my mind, I was going from building the pyramid on a hard surface to trying to build it on my arm. The task had not changed - working through thoughts and feelings - yet how I chose to do it did.
This little lesson has taken on a life of its own within the mission. I get emails once in a while that the Elders and Sisters had done it with new companions, investigators, and members. I just smile a little bit. Apparently the yard stick lesson is running a close second, although plastic cups are easier to come by most times.
As class starts to wind down into the final weeks, we are all leading a mindfulness exercise each week. Tonight was my turn, and I did the cups. It was received very well and I enjoyed the feedback. It is really neat to hear how people perceive the exercise. As well, I really do miss being a teacher/instructor and for a brief moment, I got to be that. It was a little confidence booster, I did good and it was fun. I'm excited to see what everyone else does.
I'm doing good. I really am. Things are coming together and making sense. Somewhere over this past week, I found something - a renewal, a strength, a deep breath. I woke up this morning and life just "looked" different. Not sure how to describe that really, for once it was not as overwhelming. There is suddenly meaning, strong meaning, behind the words - I'm going to make it. I've got this. I can fix this. I am fixing this.
About a week and half ago I started tagging "and I am safe" on the end of my phrases. Whether it was "I'm ok" or "I can beat this" or "I am of worth" I added the additional phrase. I even said it many times just on its own. I think it made a huge difference. There is a great power in being safe. You can be ok and not be safe. You can be a lot of positive things and not be...or feel safe. I don't know really why I decided to do it, other than I kept running into some fear issues that I wasn't really sure where they were coming from and I got tired of being caught off guard. I quickly learned that when anxiety or fear tried to come on, just simply telling myself I was safe would deter it. Amazing, isn't it? Of course, it only works if you believe it. So I am keeping it as part of those many daily moments I remind myself that it's going to be just fine. There is a calmness that comes from knowing you are safe....from the world and from yourself.
So I came back with a different view of things. I have started putting my physical world back together. I was telling Jordan this morning of all the project we have lined up for through the summer. He looked at me and said, "Is this because you got a new fridge?" I just laughed and said no, it was decided on the way home from Arkansas. (Of course, the new fridge is a nice start!) I am making it my goal to do something each day. It is not about how much or how big, just something. It will eventually get done as long as I just keep moving forward.
Seems there is a pretty good grasp on the emotional and physical, which just leaves the spiritual. My testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel remains strong. I still struggle though. Still so many conflicts between what I feel and what I know - the rational and emotional. I committed to work on wise-mind this week, maybe this a good one to apply it to. I will be back to church this Sunday, skipping is over. Every missionary I saw this past week called me out on skipping (they know me way too well) or trying to skip. They all committed me to getting my tail back to church. And since I can't tell them no (and because I know I need to be there to keep healing) I will go. Plus, I really do like church. The peace with all this will come too.
And so I walk a little taller, smile a little bigger, laugh a little louder. It is going to be ok...I have finally gotten to a point where I not only think it, I know it.
Faith has become perfect knowledge.