Homework - Pros/Cons

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I looked at the clock after spending the last few hours making a huge glue, water, confetti, and glitter mess in my living room and thought "Whoo Hoo, it's bedtime!" Then I remembered, I have homework due in the morning. Although I am pretty sure I could get a free pass, as I was doing something to help with my anxiety, I have to do my assignment. Besides, I am not working tomorrow anyways, so I can take a nap.

My assignment was to work on some Pros/Cons scenarios. I was to do at least one for tomorrow. I can choose from:
  • Sitting in the fear (Just read that again, thought it was sitting WITH fear, way to go Chris, pulled a fast one on me, sitting IN is going to be harder to do!) versus not sitting in it.
  • Believing things were my fault versus knowing it not my fault
  • To be safe with self versus not be safe with self
Oh, and just for the record, I have homework from Tami too, yet I have two weeks to get that done. It is ok, I like homework and with DBT class starting up in a few weeks, I will have plenty.

Alright, which to choose, which to choose. Let's go with safe/not safe or the more obvious self destructive behaviors (ie, hurt myself/don't hurt myself.)

Pros for self-harming (not staying safe):
  • Shifts the focus of the pain from emotional to physical
  • Avoids "sitting with the emotion" because am afraid I can't do it
  • Quick fix, release of "emotional pressure" or quieting of mind
  • Familiar behavior, I know it works
  • Method of self-punishment
  • Believe that I will feel better afterwards (even if it temporary)
  • Do not have to contact another for help (feel like I am bothering or being a burden)
  • There is a "rush" that comes with it sometimes that makes me almost pass out and thus allowing me to escape for a time
  • Although I don't want to die, I want things to stop and be quiet, and for a brief moment, it does.
  • Sometimes I hope someone will find me (passed out or hurt), not to get attention, yet to get me the help I am afraid to ask for.


Cons for self-harming (not staying safe):
  • Could do permanent damage to my health and/or body
  • Could accidentally die
  • Followed up with guilt and shame
  • Not learning to work through emotions
  • Reinforces unhealthy behavior pattern
  • Reinforces negative views about self
  • It makes people upset when they find out
  • When something doesn't work, desire to increase intensity or action
  • When don't get effect I am after, I continue the behavior or follow up with another
  • Could land me in hospital
  • Could lose trust of people
  • Could lose privilege of being alone with nephews
  • Some view it as attention seeking behavior
  • I don't learn to ask for help in a healthy way
Pros for not self-harming (staying safe):
  • Realize I do have tools to sit with emotions
  • Not risking injury or damage to body
  • Learn that those who say will help me, really will
  • Learn that I can get through the moment without physical pain
  • Reinforces healthy behaviors
  • Sets positive example for others
  • The more I choose healthy behaviors, it will soon replace the unhealthy ones.
  • People won't worry about me so much
  • I can learn to ask for help and realize I am not going to be berated or laughed at or rejected
  • I can learn to trust myself and my decisions when in distress
  • Keeps me from ending up in the hospital again
  • I might learn I am not worth harming 
Cons for not self-harming (staying safe):
  • I have to sit with emotions and feelings that are uncomfortable and/or difficult
  • No immediate fix 
  • I have to figure out the help I need, what is the answer to "how can I help you" and most times I don't know the answer
  • I have to seek out and ask for help and that is frightening
  • I will have to trust myself
  • I may have to depend on others for help and I have issues with believing someone will really help me "in the moment"
  • It is unfamiliar and scary
  • I might have to accept I am not worth harming

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