Nurturing Yourself
Ok, I was completely freaked out about reading this section, like I avoided it, then I avoided it again. Seriously, I would not even look ahead and try to prepare myself for it. With a deep breath, I took it on last night. Um, well, um, ok. I will have to say, I am kind of disappointed here. There are a couple scenarios that could have transpired here. One, the book could have missed a big opportunity to talk about nurturing one's self (I will get to more on that soon)? Two, maybe the book talks more about it in later chapters and this is just a preview? Three, Chris (and the rest of the family) are such advocates for nurturing one's self that and making it such an important thing that the "typical" view of it does not measure up? Unless I had pages stuck together and missed something, I found myself going, "that's all"? Heck, if I knew that is all it was going to be, then I would have read through it the other night while speed reading the other pages. I even went back and looked again, just to make sure I didn't miss anything.
Now, the book was honest about "at some point it is likely you will have suicidal thoughts", yet how about the hating yourself, or the thoughts of being dirty, disgusting, used, broken, defective, etc.? This is where you need nurturing! Let's hit up the book's questions....
When I think about nurturing myself, I feel....
I feel defensive. I feel conflicted. Depending on where I am emotionally, I can feel like I have an internal fight about being selfish. I feel guilty. I understand why I need to nurture myself, and acting on that is very difficult at times.
When I was a child, I nurtured myself by: (Put a star (*) next to anything you'd still like to use to nurture yourself.)
What? I am supposed to have answers for this? Ok, I am sure there are things, let me think. Probably as a younger child it would have been finding time alone, so being alone, in my own imaginary world. As a teen, being part of school activities. As a young adult, more solidarity. As an adult, addictive and destructive behaviors.
Ask several people you respect about the things they do to take care of themselves. Record their responses.
I will pass, thank you.
What are my attitudes about nurturing myself? How are they changing?
They pretty much suck, to be honest. I still struggle with thinking I am worthy of it. Chris says it is ok to do and I try to remember that.
How would my life change if I nurtured myself?
I really do not know.
Am I willing to start taking care of myself today? If so, how?
I think I probably am whether I realize it or not.
And then the chapter is over. WAIT!!!!! So when I am feeling horrible about myself, what have I just done in this chapter to help myself??? Yes, I know what to do because I am the DBT guru and a Chris Washo scholar. I got the knowledge (applying it...still working on that). But wait! We are supposed to talk about how not to hate myself here, aren't we? Isn't this where the magic formula comes in where I am told to put up a sign that says "this was not your fault" or "love your little one" or some thing like that??? Not even a namaste line??? I'm really disappointed. People! No! You have not nurtured!!! I'm feeling kind of abandoned here!!! Um, ok, maybe the fact that I am yelling at the book/about the book that it isn't teaching enough about nurturing one's self, is a possible sign that I might actually know more about this than I want to admit??
Let's add a little to the book's last question. Let's get rid of the "If so, how" and add the "Why or why not" piece. And, as almost always, my simple answer.....I am scared. I am scared of not doing it right. I am scared of hurting myself more than helping, or hurting others (unintentionally) just because I was just trying to help myself. I am afraid to do it alone. I am simply afraid.
Now, the book was honest about "at some point it is likely you will have suicidal thoughts", yet how about the hating yourself, or the thoughts of being dirty, disgusting, used, broken, defective, etc.? This is where you need nurturing! Let's hit up the book's questions....
When I think about nurturing myself, I feel....
I feel defensive. I feel conflicted. Depending on where I am emotionally, I can feel like I have an internal fight about being selfish. I feel guilty. I understand why I need to nurture myself, and acting on that is very difficult at times.
When I was a child, I nurtured myself by: (Put a star (*) next to anything you'd still like to use to nurture yourself.)
What? I am supposed to have answers for this? Ok, I am sure there are things, let me think. Probably as a younger child it would have been finding time alone, so being alone, in my own imaginary world. As a teen, being part of school activities. As a young adult, more solidarity. As an adult, addictive and destructive behaviors.
Ask several people you respect about the things they do to take care of themselves. Record their responses.
I will pass, thank you.
What are my attitudes about nurturing myself? How are they changing?
They pretty much suck, to be honest. I still struggle with thinking I am worthy of it. Chris says it is ok to do and I try to remember that.
How would my life change if I nurtured myself?
I really do not know.
Am I willing to start taking care of myself today? If so, how?
I think I probably am whether I realize it or not.
And then the chapter is over. WAIT!!!!! So when I am feeling horrible about myself, what have I just done in this chapter to help myself??? Yes, I know what to do because I am the DBT guru and a Chris Washo scholar. I got the knowledge (applying it...still working on that). But wait! We are supposed to talk about how not to hate myself here, aren't we? Isn't this where the magic formula comes in where I am told to put up a sign that says "this was not your fault" or "love your little one" or some thing like that??? Not even a namaste line??? I'm really disappointed. People! No! You have not nurtured!!! I'm feeling kind of abandoned here!!! Um, ok, maybe the fact that I am yelling at the book/about the book that it isn't teaching enough about nurturing one's self, is a possible sign that I might actually know more about this than I want to admit??
Let's add a little to the book's last question. Let's get rid of the "If so, how" and add the "Why or why not" piece. And, as almost always, my simple answer.....I am scared. I am scared of not doing it right. I am scared of hurting myself more than helping, or hurting others (unintentionally) just because I was just trying to help myself. I am afraid to do it alone. I am simply afraid.