Marking the way and listing accomplishments

The next exercise up in the book is a way to help you see your progress. It is set up so no matter where you are in your journey, just starting or way into the process, you can have a benchmark to look back at and see where you were and where you are. I know that I struggle with that - the feeling that I am not making progress, or that I have regressed. It notes to come back and do this periodically.

I have gone back to these pages a couple times in the past week and I close the book and "run" from it. This is one of those "scary" exercises for me. It is one of those having to really think about the situation and sit much closer to the abuse than I may want to. I have thought about doing this in session, yet not sure how to do that. I think my conclusion will be to choose the option "in the middle" which is sit out in my little safe spot in the parking lot and do them. I am not taking up anyone's time (I find it difficult to ask someone to just sit there with me while I write) and I am "near" my people if I get triggered or scared or get to a place with it that I feel like I should touch base with someone. I could actually go sit in the lobby and write. Maybe I could talk to Chris about that option today.

And so it says to ask yourself these questions and then free-write for 20 minutes about where you are in dealing with the abuse at this point in your life. I don't know if I will go for the 20 min or just start writing. I imagine Chris would tell me to stick to the 20 min. yet we all know that when I start writing, I just write until I get out what I need to say at that point. I guess I will know when I get to that point.

• How long have I been actively dealing with the abuse? 
• Am I in a crisis or am I focusing more on a particular problem area? 
• What aspects of healing have I mostly resolved? 
• What's left for me to do? 
• What issue am I the most concerned with right now? 

After this activity is finished there are a set of follow up questions:

Were there any surprises in what I wrote?

• (If you've done this exercise before) How does this writing compare to other times I've answered the same questions? 
• What progress do I see when I look at the different writings together?
• Is writing the best way for me to keep track of my healing process? Or is there a different method I'd like to use (such as making a series of drawings or photographs)?

In the summary, it talks about how survivors tend to focus on what has to be done instead of what has been done. We are not always good at looking at the things we have accomplished. It gives the assignment to make a list of things accomplished in your life so far. The instructions say:

Include historical things (I got away from my father / I went to college even though I spent my childhood being told I was stupid / I chose a non-abusive partner). Include things you've accomplished as an adult, before or after you consciously began to deal with sexual abuse (I quit shooting drugs / I didn't kill myself / I made some phone calls to a therapist / I went to a survivors workshop / I told my best friend that my uncle abused me). Your accomplishments can be large or small, finished or still in progress. Even if the only healing thing you've ever done is to buy this book, you can write "I picked up this book. I took it to the counter and paid for it. And then I started reading." List your accomplishments with pride (and feel free to add more later).

Things to Think About:

• Do I see myself as someone who can accomplish things?
• Was I able to come up with a list of accomplishments? What, if anything, surprised me about the list?
• Do I tend to minimize my accomplishments as insignificant? If so, what would help me appreciate them more?

Then it moves on to Celebrating your accomplishments, yet that will be a few posts away, I think there is plenty to finish in this one first.