Mindful morning
It acts like it might rain this morning. That would be typical and I am sure it will start right about 1 when the moving truck arrives. Ah, Murphy's Law at its finest! Yet, that is ok, I am easily adaptable.
This morning I have "killed two birds with one stone" (ya know, I am really curious of the origin of that phrase). I know that it is going to be an high-stimulus day and there is going to be crazy anxiety and various hyper-sensitive moments. Therefore, I got to to thinking about what I can do now to prepare for later (see, I am getting it slowly).
Ok, so I ran through my "yellow pencil" script the other day in session. It occurred to me afterwards that maybe I should have thought first before opening my mouth. Still learning. I didn't do it to offend or be a smart ass or anything like that, it is just where I went. I have to remember to play nice in the sandbox.
With that, what did I choose to do this morning? The answer --- mindfulness!!! Tada! It is not that I have any issues with mindfulness, honestly I love the concept and I have used it and it has saved my tail more than once. It is just sometimes the mindfulness activity annoys me - hey, look, that just means an opportunity to practice patience, distress tolerance, acceptance, being comfortable with the uncomfortable, sitting with something you don't find enjoyable, and I am sure a lot more things. I just chuckle, it doesn't kill me, it is actually good for me.
I like to sort things. A while back in session one day all the little magnets were mixed together and we sat and separated them. I liked that. I like things where you are, um, not sure what to call it..."active focusing"?? I like to sort, I like to color, I like to build. I don't care so much for describing. And even that is not completely true. If you give me something with a pattern, pieces, texture, or the like, I enjoy that. I think it is the tactile aspect of it. I like to run my fingers over lines, in grooves, feel the shapes of the different parts. I like to see how they fit and work together. So, hand me a traditional no. 2 pencil and ask me to describe it, I will do it because I am not rude, although, hand me a mechanical no. 2 pencil that I can mess with, take apart, look at the different pieces and parts, and I am good to go. I'm sure there is some theoretical explanation for all of that.
I have been looking at the pile of safety pins for almost two weeks now. Each morning I go dig through it to find another pin (oh, and by the way I have completed 19 days!) and each time it annoys the crap out of me. I am not OCD, although I do like some kind of order to things.
Even if it a chaotic order, I like order. That is one change that came after being in the hospital. It became a coping mechanism I developed to have some predictability to things. It has served me well and when things get into disarray, I find myself not able to focus. Not that my pile of pins was affecting me on some large scale, yet it was annoying me on a daily basis.
What better activity - a little mindfulness practice to give my body some "quiet time" and getting the pins out of the pile. Yup, sometimes I am just that good (and I laugh as I say that). I did it, I did it well, and we will see if that 20 minutes or so pay off later today. Even if it gets crazy today, at least when I go to get another pin in the morning I will not stand there and cuss at the pile. I will think how nice it is to see them all orderly. Sometimes it is the small and simple things that bring us joy.
I am still doing pretty good in my opinion. What does that mean? In my constructively descriptive way, one might say that the grass is green more times than it is blue and the voices that try to tell me differently are much quieter lately. Oh, I still see blue grass, although I am getting better at stopping and looking closer at it and telling myself, "ok, is it really blue or does it just feel blue?" It is ok if at times the grass feels blue as long as I can remember that it is, in reality, green.
And so it is time to take on the new day. I need to go take a shower so I can go unload a truck and get all sweaty so that I can take a shower later??? Sometimes my logic gets a little skewed and messed up, and yet my logic still works for me.
UPDATE: Ask and you shall receive: http://www.grammarphobia.com/blog/2013/08/bird-play.html
This morning I have "killed two birds with one stone" (ya know, I am really curious of the origin of that phrase). I know that it is going to be an high-stimulus day and there is going to be crazy anxiety and various hyper-sensitive moments. Therefore, I got to to thinking about what I can do now to prepare for later (see, I am getting it slowly).
With that, what did I choose to do this morning? The answer --- mindfulness!!! Tada! It is not that I have any issues with mindfulness, honestly I love the concept and I have used it and it has saved my tail more than once. It is just sometimes the mindfulness activity annoys me - hey, look, that just means an opportunity to practice patience, distress tolerance, acceptance, being comfortable with the uncomfortable, sitting with something you don't find enjoyable, and I am sure a lot more things. I just chuckle, it doesn't kill me, it is actually good for me.
I like to sort things. A while back in session one day all the little magnets were mixed together and we sat and separated them. I liked that. I like things where you are, um, not sure what to call it..."active focusing"?? I like to sort, I like to color, I like to build. I don't care so much for describing. And even that is not completely true. If you give me something with a pattern, pieces, texture, or the like, I enjoy that. I think it is the tactile aspect of it. I like to run my fingers over lines, in grooves, feel the shapes of the different parts. I like to see how they fit and work together. So, hand me a traditional no. 2 pencil and ask me to describe it, I will do it because I am not rude, although, hand me a mechanical no. 2 pencil that I can mess with, take apart, look at the different pieces and parts, and I am good to go. I'm sure there is some theoretical explanation for all of that.
Even if it a chaotic order, I like order. That is one change that came after being in the hospital. It became a coping mechanism I developed to have some predictability to things. It has served me well and when things get into disarray, I find myself not able to focus. Not that my pile of pins was affecting me on some large scale, yet it was annoying me on a daily basis.
What better activity - a little mindfulness practice to give my body some "quiet time" and getting the pins out of the pile. Yup, sometimes I am just that good (and I laugh as I say that). I did it, I did it well, and we will see if that 20 minutes or so pay off later today. Even if it gets crazy today, at least when I go to get another pin in the morning I will not stand there and cuss at the pile. I will think how nice it is to see them all orderly. Sometimes it is the small and simple things that bring us joy.
I am still doing pretty good in my opinion. What does that mean? In my constructively descriptive way, one might say that the grass is green more times than it is blue and the voices that try to tell me differently are much quieter lately. Oh, I still see blue grass, although I am getting better at stopping and looking closer at it and telling myself, "ok, is it really blue or does it just feel blue?" It is ok if at times the grass feels blue as long as I can remember that it is, in reality, green.
And so it is time to take on the new day. I need to go take a shower so I can go unload a truck and get all sweaty so that I can take a shower later??? Sometimes my logic gets a little skewed and messed up, and yet my logic still works for me.
UPDATE: Ask and you shall receive: http://www.grammarphobia.com/blog/2013/08/bird-play.html